Fried catfish is not exactly rare in New Orleans, but during Lent it's inescapable. On Lenten Fridays when good Christians abstain from meat, they settle for fish fries. ("Settle," as though any sane person would choose meat over fried catfish.)

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert—with his forehead still adorned with ash—decided that he'd give up Catholicism for Lent. Interesting! Then, Colbert decided to take up Judaism. And then, he gave up "not eating bacon" for Jewish Lent.

Easter is the best holiday for sadists, as Catholics worldwide bloody themselves imitating the passion of Christ, just like Mel Gibon's torture porno with that name. It's also rural Filipinos' annual season of infamy, for literally nailing themselves to crosses.

What's with everyone walking around with temporary tattoos on their foreheads today? Is this a meme we're not aware of? Even Joe Biden has one! Does it have something to do with cats? Oh, it's Ash Wednesday? Carry on, Catholicism.