According to Access Hollywood, Mariska Hargitay has been hospitalized with a collapsed lung. A Defamer tipster who works on the set of Hargitay's Law & Order: SVU says there's more to the story.

• Paris Hilton is so tired of getting hit on by cops. That's why they pull her over, don't you know. And poor long-suffering publicist Elliot Mintz gets kicked to the curb. [NYDN]
  

While the males that drift into and out of her life—her father, the manager who forced her into rehab even though she totally doesn't have a problem, y'all!, the agents who scoff at her lack of focus—reliably disappoint her, troubled tabloid ubiquity Britney Spears can at least feel safe in the knowledge that she once again has a woman on retainer that's always got her back: recently rehired superflack Leslie Sloane Selnick, the tireless, for-hire protector of her virtue. Spears' retention of the publicist is already paying dividends, as demonstrated in her response to today's Page Six item in which dad Jamie comes to the defense of his daughter's manager for taking the intervention bullet on behalf of her family:

It's a season of Bests Of, so we're hereby nominating this quote as "Best Publicist Denial 2006." It's from an article in the print edition of this week's Star magazine about "plate parties," at which young Hollywood stars are passing around drug-filled plates (!!) and "popping pills, guzzling booze, smoking reefer and snorting whatever they can get their hands on," according to "one Hollywood producer" who has perhaps seen Beyond the Valley of the Dolls one time too many. Anyway, we admire Zelnick's laziness, so this is our official favorite. It's better than Elliot Mintz's genius assertion that the white stuff in Paris Hilton's nostril was "stray dessert," even! Hats off, Leslie — and here's to more Lohan-enabling in 2007.

• For you alarmists out there who believe in the myth of forthcoming environmental disasters, enjoy a map of what Manhattan would look like if the sea levels were to rise a healthy 9 meters. Au revoir, Alphabet City. [Flood.firetree.net]
• Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn's engagement enters the completely unfounded and highly unlikely rumor phase. [Patrique Gossip]
• New York's highest court denies Diddy's appeal, ordering him to pay over $19K/month in child support to ex-girlfriend Misa Hylton-Brim. That should just about cover the mental anguish of having to see him naked. [AP]
• And while Diddy may have to shell out more pennies than he'd like, at least he's still allowed to devote an entire Time 100 table to his formidable posse. [FishbowlNY]
• Axl Rose swears that Chinese Democracy will be out by the end of this century. Really, he means it this time. [Billboard]
• Lindsay Lohan appeared on TRL yesterday, but wouldn't talk to Vanessa Minnillo until their mutual flack Leslie Sloane Zelnick hammered out a 2-minute peace treaty. [Jossip]
• Barbara Walters is supposedly angry with Meredith Vieira for leaving The View. If she left us with Rosie O'Donnell, we'd be pissed, too. [TMZ]
• And finally, THE ELLIES ARE TONIGHT! WHEE! Check back here later for our breaking updates, sent lovingly from the scene of Magville's debutante ball.