Newnham College, one of the women-only colleges of Cambridge, has uncovered an exam-time chocolate-smuggling ring operating out of the college library. A mysterious book found during a stock check had been hollowed out and filled with two hidden candy bars.

Toronto residents asked their public library to remove six books and a DVD over the past year, and one of those books was Dr. Seuss's Hop on Pop. The classic rhyming tale of fatherhood and saltation was accused of putting pops at risk of being actually hopped on.

Pope Francis is the chillest pope that the Vatican has ever seen: uttering "fuck" at weekly blessings, admiring chocolate statues of himself, picking up hitchhikers in his tricked-out Popemobile. But now the man in charge of thousands of precious documents wants the underlings of the internet to have access.

You should probably think twice before borrowing erotica from your local public library. I mean, for the obvious reasons, but also because Belgian scientists recently found a library copy of Fifty Shades of Grey bearing trace amounts of herpes. And do you really think that's an isolated incident?

While most libraries around the country are doing their best to remain relevant, one Texas town has decided to speed up its library's demise by threatening to arrest residents who don't return books on time.

New York University has enclosed the atrium of the school's main academic library with randomly perforated aluminum screens, in an effort to curb suicides while completely mindfucking the NYU population, reports The New York Times' City Room.

Interested in celebrity dick size? Boy, do I have the book for you: Celebrities with Big Dicks like Jay-Z, Liam Neeson, Colin Farrell, and Many More, edited by one Dana Rasmussen. It's out of stock right now on Amazon—I bought the last copy—but you can order one of three used copies available, starting at the low price of $37.73 (plus shipping).

Libraries, you will recall, are playgrounds for terrorists—which is why George W. Bush and Dick Cheney made sure the that PATRIOT Act empowered the FBI to rummage through library records with impunity and without a warrant, confidentiality be damned. But now that there's a lawsuit seeking records from their presidential libraries, Bush and Cheney are hiding behind the Librarian's Code.

The above video depicts a female student having a meltdown in the library at Cal State Northridge on Tuesday. Despite several reports to the contrary, the video was recorded and first posted to Facebook by a CSUN student named Ashley Monroe, who claimed in comments below it that the altercation began after the girl demanded others in the library "not breathe loud[ly]."

Libraries: who needs them? We all have our very own libraries by the name of "The Internet" at our fingertips now, and these libraries include porn. So what can old public libraries do to keep up? First, toss those books.

75-year-old Joy Cassidy pleaded guilty to malicious injury to property for dumping syrup and ketchup into an Idaho library's book drop at least ten times in retaliation for being banned. Don't mess with an old person's library privileges. [Idaho Statesman]

Yesterday, Harvard said the mysterious case of 36 pee-soaked LGBT books had been demoted from "hate crime" to "accident" after a library employee copped to accidentally spilling an open bottle of urine. But the explanation doesn't sit easy with some.

Speaking of sexxxy college library stunts: At N.C. State University, freshman Seth Pace's school spirit compelled him to dash nude through the school library, knocking 1,000 books off the shelves. The next naked library student's an official trend-establisher!

Yesterday we watched George W. Bush's gripping book trailer. And this weekend on the campus of Southern Methodist University, a preview exhibit of his presidential library opens. It will show just how much ass he kicked while in office.

Three years ago the National Archives took control of the Nixon Presidential Library and Museum, and an extensive new Watergate exhibit was due to open on July 1st. But history revisionists from the Nixon Foundation are trying to whitewash it.

A public library in Burlington County, New Jersey has ordered all of the copies of Revolutionary Voices: A Multicultural Queer Youth Anthology removed from circulation, after a member of Glenn Beck's 9/12 Project complained about the book's content.

When this old man is pretty broken up about the closure of the local library, his reactions turn from funny, to sad, to funny again. What you are about to see is a code blue case of the sads.

Some joker slipped some pornography into an Austin Powers video at a Brooklyn public library, and a grandma was shocked when she rented it. "Ha," you might exclaim, in reaction. NYC's most objectionable assemblyman objects to your "unbelievable chutzpah"!

Blog wars aren't just for the prickly coastals anymore. No, people in the cheese-filled, clotted heart of this nation are turning to the internet to yell at their neighbors too. Like this crazy book-burning lady and her angry liberal enemy.

Seriously, who isn't returning their library books? The failure to return borrowed books is a very real, very pressing problem these days. We've brought you two jail-time examples of rogue library borrowers this week alone. Now we've received a list of various offenders from the fuzz—a Southern library is being robbed of their possession of something called The Amazing Panda Adventure! Don't worry: the police department is on the case.