Surgeons are preparing to place patients between life and death in the first-ever human trial of a new suspended animation technique. Victims of stabbings or gunshot wounds will have their bodies rapidly cooled at Pittsburgh's UPMC Presbyterian Hospital, buying doctors an extra 2 hours to save them.

You may want to be seated as we deliver this news: Arthur Kade, the internet's biggest vagina, had a near-death experience yesterday. But as one fameball wavers on the precipice, another fameball friend could soon make her return!

Flemming Rose, the Danish newspaper editor responsible for publishing the controversial Muhammad cartoons that caused a global Muslim fundamentalist uproar in 2006—and which still threaten the life of one of the artists, who has been condemned by Osama Bin Laden— has a message for all the American papers that refused to publish pictures of the cartoons even as they were writing news stories about them: thanks a lot, pussies.