Election night might have been a hopeful triumph for most Americans, but it was an evening of screaming and insults for Canadian Sharilyn Johnson, according to the epic rant she just uploaded to Huffington Post. Johnson had to be in the live Daily Show audience on election night, because she's been watching everything Jon Stewart has ever done since 1994, is also super-into Stephen Colbert, has friends on staff, knows line-runners by name, etc. etc. Johnson (on left in photo) lined up a ticket seven months in advance, confirmed and reconfirmed, traveled to New York from Toronto, waited in line and then watched as her world ENDED.

Because it only Tuesday and who doesn't like to feel sad on a damn Tuesdee, the good folks at EW have put together a little "Where Are They Now" feature on some of our more depressing reality television show "stars." There's... um, that dude from that one show. Yeah, he's not doing much these days. And then, look, that lady. She did that thing once. She's not doing that thing anymore. It should give you some sense of the list that Evan Marriott, aka Joe Millionaire, is the biggest name on it. So you don't have to, I've gone through it and pulled the three best quotes for you. They lie-like a depressed person on their living room floor, the ceiling fan humming dimly, the TV on low, some game show or something, people laughing and clapping, and outside the cars whiz by-after the jump. "They told us we were gonna be famous, and I had a hell of a run for a while. I got a call from Playboy magazine, and I got a call from Maxim. I was on hold for a Playboy cover, but they did the Women of Starbucks instead." - Billie Jeanne Houle, Married By America "But it wasn't tough to act gay. You just pretend that you feel about guys the way you feel about girls. You learn as you go and you watch how the gay men were acting and behaving and so forth, and you roll with the vibe of the situation. It's a deep Method acting experience." - Dan Wells, Boy Meets Boy "[After the show] I holed up in an apartment in Santa Monica, and spent a lot of the money on marijuana and alcohol. I lived there with a girl who broke up with me. The next day I flushed a half ounce of pot down the toilet, packed my car, came home to Pittsburgh, and I got help. I haven't done drugs or alcohol for four years. Now I'm married with a new baby and a stepson. I work at a logistics company. Were things different, I would much rather be working in the entertainment business. I just went about it the wrong way." - Matt Kennedy Gould, Joe Schmo (in which he was the only actual contestant on a Big Brother-esque reality show-the rest were actors, setting him up for huge embarrassment)

Amid all the glamor and glitz and lady empowerment, an unsisterly tragedy struck at the Sex and the City movie premiere last night. Three friends, we'll call them Julia Allison, Meghan Asha, and Mary Rambin, got all gussied up and trotted off (with their upcoming reality show camera crew in tow) to enjoy a night of fabulousity and star gazing at the much buzzed about event. Julia the dating columnist (just like Carrie!) and Meghan (tech heiress and socialite) got in without a hitch, as they already had their tickets secure. But then, the clouds darkened and the low keening of travesties of old lilted across the red carpet, dancing grimly with the spring breeze. Mary, the handbag designer and big sister of actress Leven, was denied entrance and abandoned by her gal pals.