God's most exquisite human, Stacey Dash, was hospitalized for "dehydration" (and maybe, a little bit, attention) early Tuesday morning, according to TMZ.

Newsday has supplied a crucial piece of information in the emerging "Viking Funeral" theory of the Montauk Monster's origin, and we've spent all day going over historical weather records to better assess its credibility. Answer: Maybe! But we're dubious.

School's out, thunderstorms are rolling in, and flowers are in bloom. Montauk Monster season is upon us. And to ring it in, ASSME's Drew Grant claims to have finally solved the mystery that seized a nation last July.