@AngelinaJolie doesn't have followers yet—who will be the first? Paris Hilton denies doing a Nazi salute. Justin Bieber's life saved by a Segway. Ke$ha has a spanking fetish. Tuesday gossip is one tweet away from your best friend.

Lindsay Lohan's Rashomon-like love life takes three different turns in one day, Tiger Mistress #1 prepares to tell all, and the Salahis cancel Christmas. Come bathe in a sea of Thursday's gossip.

Those Hogans sure love their restraining orders! Not long after mama cougar Linda claimed that ex-husband Hulk should stay away from her based on a completely made-up court order, her young, son-resembling boyfriend has attempted to secure an actual one against the American Gladiators host. Sadly, the 19-year-old Charley Hill's claim that Hulk "pulled up next to him [at a stoplight] and stared at him" was found to be insufficient grounds for issuing a restraining order. Also, the judge found that Hulk's attempt to piledrive Charley, then throw him against the ropes was terribly, terribly fake. [TMZ]

Exhibiting a soulful, undernourished defiance not seen since Nelson Mandela strolled out of a South African prison a generation ago, young Nick Hogan ended his own 166-day incarceration ordeal early this morning in Florida. There, at the mouth of the Pinellas County Jail, he was reunited with his mother Linda, sister Brooke and a gaggle of media whom Linda rebuffed on her 18-year-old Supra-wrecking, friend-paralyzing martyr's behalf:

Sure, reality star Brooke Hogan doesn't know who Sarah Palin is (or the identity of our current vice president, for that matter), but it's only because she's been working so hard! After all, who has time to brush up on politics when you're busy taking striptease classes with your mother? Yes, on last night's episode of Brooke Knows Best, Brooke decides that a pole-dancing lesson will be just the thing she needs for a workout, and she decides to bring mother Linda along, too. Showing off the moves that would eventually bag Linda a nineteen-year-old boyfriend and strain her relations with Brooke, the cougar supremo humps the pole and floor in an unnerving mother/daughter celebration of post-postmodern female empowerment, disguised as a workout routine at Crunch. We can't wait until a very special Christmas episode of Brooke Knows Best, when Linda returns the favor and gifts Brooke with a coupon for pairs' Kegel exercises at the downtown Miami Y. [VH1]

When last we left the Hogan family (though can we leave them if they won't go away?), parents Hulk and Linda had split up, and it wasn't pretty. Daughter Brooke accused the Hulkster of piledriving one of her friends, while cougar Linda fell into the arms of the 19-year-old pool boy. What's next for an estranged, straw-haired couple bored of screwing their children's dopplegangers? Elaborate, imaginary crimes: