Last week's wall-to-wall coverage of Lindsay Lohan's spectacular transformation from mostly harmless, self-destructive fun-time girl to alleged hostage-taking, assistant-stalking Denali drag-racer provided ample opportunities for various experts to weigh in on the degree of legal and career fuckage she may have suffered as a result of her latest DUI arrest. Today, however, Good Morning America largely eschews the opinions of so-called professionals in favor of those whose area of expertise is limited to a single pursuit: mindlessly consuming anything to which Lohan's name is attached. GMA's nonscientific, random sampling of I Know Who Killed Me ticket-buyers revealed a mixture of disappointment in the current product tempered by a delusional faith in the actress's abilities:

While yesterday afternoon's Lohan FuckageWatch focused exclusively on the legal ramifications of the regrettable incidents of early Morning morning, today we plunge the business end of our ice-cold Fuckometer into the haunches of her career to discover the degree of professional damage the actress may have suffered following her arrest. Today's NY Times liberates troubled-talent managing legend Bernie Brillstein from the "In Case Of Emergency Need Of Sound-Bite Concerning Self-Destructive Stars, Break Glass" container in which he patiently waits for a new crisis, and is repaid with this money quote about the Lohan situation: