Because you need more help, and because we were being inadvertently sexist:

We feel like we say this more than we ever should for a Times reporter, but: poor Lola Oguinnake. She's got an enviable beat, digging up the latest in arts, nightlife, and pop culture — and yet she gets stuck trolling around Marquee or watching Nicole Richie pretend to eat. And as if these subjects weren't punishment enough, today Oguinnake profiles insanely successful music producer Scott Storch, the grotesque man responsible for Paris Hilton's forthcoming album and, perhaps, 70% of Louis Vuitton's profits. From what we can tell, Storch's only redeeming quality is that he smoked enough weed in Oguinnake's presence to give her a lovely secondhand high.