All of us working stiffs who have to report to the office on this slowest week of the year hate those people who are on vacation this week, right? And who could we hate more than celebrities, who are on vacation every damn day of the year? Well, here they are rubbing our noses in their beach vacations and lives of luxury. What assholes. Let's make fun of them, shall we?

Not everyone was invited to New York Fashion Week, so here's a little look at what you commoners missed today. Above: Things got electric at the Rodarte show this morning. [Image via AP]

It's cute that Lorenzo Martone thinks there's life after Marc Jacobs (there isn't), but what we really took away from today's gushing NY Times profile is that Martone changed in front of the reporter. He always gets naked for press.

Marc Jacobs and his ex, Lorenzo Martone, were spotted (and photographed) hanging out at the V Magazine party Monday night after Lorenzo attended Marc's fashion show. Are they just friends? Are they back together? Don't become the new on-again-off-again, Lorenzo.

Professional homosexual and scuttled cosmonaut Lance Bass is apparently digging through Marc Jacobs' compost heap. The NSYNCer has been seen canoodling with the fashion designer's ex, Lorenzo Martone, at various fashion events and trendy restaurants. Somewhere, Joey Fatone broods jealously.

Lorenzo Martone just confirmed via Twitter a rumor we've been hearing for weeks: He and Marc Jacobs are no longer a couple. Guess that ends the speculation about whether they're married or not. But, why, boys? Why?

A tipster says Marc Jacobs wore a red plaid kilt to jury duty on Monday and Tuesday. (His boyfriend is known to hate kilts—does that mean they're off again?) Well, at least he's not skirting his civic duties!

As suspected, Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone haven't broken up; they're getting matching tattoos!

Contrary to rumors, two tipsters spotted designer Marc Jacobs and his husbear Lorenzo Martone in Manhattan this weekend. Does that mean they haven't really split up? Were they walking to a wedding planner or couples therapy?

Page Six reports this morning that fashion designer Marc Jacobs and his Brazilian boyfriend (husband?) Lorenzo Martone have broken up. But another report from the Boston Herald contradicts the story. What's going on here?

It involves a violent Samantha Ronson confrontation. Sandra Bullock gets a mistress apology. Marc Jacobs breaks up with his boytoy. Bret Michael remains in the ICU. Mariah isn't preggers. Monday's gossip roundup has all the answers.

Housing Works, an AIDS and homelessness organization, opened its new thrift shop in Midtown last night. We were there along with some Real Housewives, Marc Jacobs' boyfriend, a Bravo boss, and a "day gay." We even got some questions answered.

We got a hold of the BUTT Magazine's upcoming interview with Jacob's adorable husbear Lorenzo Martone and he says they were married in St. Barts over New Years even though they previously denied it. Also, Lorenzo says he's hung!

Marc Jacobs denied getting married to Lorenzo Martone last month after photos surfaced of what appeared to be his wedding party. (The event, which was hosted by art dealer Larry Gagosian, featured a wedding cake topped with Jacobs and Martone along with two of their dogs.) It looks like that was a misdirect: Martone now says the couple really did tie the knot. [Gawker, previously]

Logo announced today that it picked up the "gay housewives" show Kept, to launch in October, but they're still looking for one more cast member. Maybe that's because some gay-listers have already turned it down. Like who?

Menacing Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich threw the banging-est celebrity-filled NYE party in St. Bart's. We've read about the St. Bart's bash, but now we have pictures! All thanks to grim economist Nouriel Roubini, who despite our impending economic doom, partaayyyed.

So much for that report about Marc Jacobs getting married to fiancé Lorenzo Martone on St. Barts earlier this week. A rep for the designer says it was just an engagement party (albeit one that happened to involve the presence of a wedding cake). [Us, The Cut, previously]

We're starting to fall in love with Marc Jacobs' unabashed faggotry, including the shirtless wedding cake topper at his marriage ceremony in St. Bart's. That's why he and Lorenzo Martone have been on the beach so long, it's a honeymoon!

Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone were supposed to get married in Provincetown this past summer. They never ended up going through with it for whatever reason, although that may have changed over New Year's vacation. According to the fashion blog Styleexperts, the couple tied the knot in a private ceremony on St. Barts earlier this week, an event that was hosted by art dealer Larry Gagosian and which featured a cake topped with an edible Jacobs (sans shirt), Martone (dressed in a tux), and two of their dogs. [Styleexperts via GoaG]

[Marc Jacobs divas it up on the beach today in Saint Barts while significant otter Lorenzo Martone snaps some new pics for his Facebook page. Image via Bauer-Griffin]