Reynolds Tobacco is seeking to buy Lorillard, bringing Camels and Newports together in a $56 billion cigarette behemoth just in time for everyone to switch from Camels and Newports to e-cigarettes.

Looking for more proof that America's overall masculinity level is now somewhere down around Switzerland's panty line, these days? Fewer than one in five Americans now are smokers. Including girls, even. How can we fix this? One tobacco company has an idea: "cigarettes." The cigars of a new generation!

Last year, the U.S. government banned "flavored" cigarettes. Since then, the real fight has raged on: whether to ban menthol cigarettes as well. The end of Newports? Can you imagine? The company that makes Newports says: that's racist!

"The truth is that Lorillard markets its Newport brand cigarettes to adult smokers of all ethnicities," writes Lorillard CEO Martin Orlowsky to the Chicago Tribune today. "The truth is that our marketing is not disproportionately directed to African-Americans. The truth is that we do not target underage smokers. The truth is that there are twice as many Caucasian menthol cigarette smokers as there are African-American menthol cigarette smokers. I challenge those who want to prove otherwise to come forward with evidence to support their charges." Ha, well... Lorillard doesn't have to market disproportionately to African-Americans, because the market share of menthols in the black community is already massive. Look at Orlowsky's own math: