Is the Devil real? Yes, the Devil is real. Boston mobster James "Whitey" Bulger is actually Satan, according to the son of a man murdered by Bulger, and Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia believes very strongly in a very real Lucifer. Deranged child star Miley Cyrus actually sold her soul to Old Scratch and even had sex with a lesser demon, according to a credible pair of religious broadcasters. And fresh-faced teenaged pop singer Ariana Grande says she is regularly visited in her bed by an immense black entity she identifies as the Devil—one time it even climbed atop her visiting girlfriend.

Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their daughter Blue Ivy? Possibly because they are exceedingly wealthy celebrities for whom the act of procreation is chiefly an exercise in branding... or because "Blue Ivy" is a secret code revealing her membership in an ancient and all-powerful occult secret society. Which could it be??