With the exception of the erosion of personal privacy and the growth of an ultra-powerful unaccountable economic elite over the course of several decades which we didn't notice because football was on, you can't put too much past Americans. Those Cocoa Puffs... are they natural? Don't try to fool us!

The New York Post—the fascist barrel-scraping newspaper with its finger placed closest to the vibrant pulse of young, "hip" Brooklynites—has unearthed a new, hip trend, which is occurring among hipsters—in Brooklyn, of course. The hip, fashionmongering young people are diving into dumpsters to extract food, completely without care for the inherent wackiness of such a stunt, their eyes focused on only on nutrition—and hipness. Who ever heard of such a thing?

"I love funny writing, but I'm sick of snark," says Nick Catucci, the new editor of RollingStone.com. Christ, first The New Yorker, then Rolling Stone...soon this virtually meaningless catch-all phrase capable of describing anything will have no friends left! [NYO]

"Trend forecasting" firm Tobe charges anywhere from $25,000 to $250,000 a year in order to tell its corporate clients what the hot fashions will be this season. How does Tobe know this? They just make it up, duh.

The Way We Live Now: In secret shame. We walk around in public acting like the recession is finally over. But look in your dirty closet, America! Our fanciest corporations are undercover paupers. Our homeless are disappearing. Into the void!

This article today does us all a great service by reminding us to remind you that numerology—like the concept of juice-based "cleansing" systems—is bullshit. If you believe in it, stop now. It is so dumb.

"Professional comedians find camaraderie and economic relief in an unlikely Queens neighborhood." Is Astoria really an "unlikely" Queens neighborhood, for white comedians? No. It's the most likely. Hollis would be unlikely. Every Allen Salkin story makes me so mad. [NYT]

A politician shouted during Obama's speech. A tennis player yelled at a line judge. A rapper grabbed a mic during an awards show. All in the same week. You know what this means: A fake trend is sweeping America.

Uh oh, do you know who in make-believe land is now upset with soul singer Ashley Dupre? All the women of New Jersey and also New York! And also Andrea Peyser!

Is it possible to spin a fabricated trend story with a local angle out of the fact that Jayson Blair is now a life coach in Northern Virginia? The Washington Post found a way!

The Guardian says the "World's First Cocaine Bar" is a roving lounge in Bolivia where backpackers come and sniff cheap coke till their money runs out. Huh. Here we call that a "coke spot" and in some neighborhoods they're everywhere.

Listicle publication Forbes says that the US Military Academy, of all places, is "America's Best College." Is that even allowed? Competitor listicle publication the Princeton Review has struck back with its own outrageously outside-the-box college ranking listicle items!

Grandparents: they hate their grandkids nowadays! It's all detailed right there in a brand new breaking trend story from the New York Times, the Paper of Record. Nobody likes anybody any more!

See, Barack Obama speaks to white people like this: "Hello whites, let's talk about budgets!" But he talks to black people like this: "I'm Barack from Chicago, (fist pound)." Politico is racist, for real.

"For me to have an iPhone in one hand and a pipe in the other is not unusual," says a 20-something at the vanguard of the crazy new trend, (reaching in grab bag)...kids with pipes!

Recently the New York Times explained how hard it is to live on $500k a year. Twice! Now the paper reports: nobody's paying for business lunches any more! Is this just a made-up thing? Yes.

You know what's important these days? Appearances. Reality is something you're stuck with: you're ugly, out of shape, and none too charismatic. But appearances—now there's something you can do something about! That's why selecting the right online avatar to represent yourself on Facebook is now the single most important choice that you will make in your life, according to some people willing to be quoted spouting bullshit theories about any old thing:

On March 23, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch ran an uplifting story about "Virginia Gillis," who had lost her perfect life when her husband started using methamphetamines, burned down their house, and attacked her with a straight razor, cutting her throat "almost all the way through." After a stint of homelessness, she slowly rebuilt her life, and now works as a chef at a homeless program, feeding hundreds of people a week who are stuck in the position that she once was. The paper compares her story to the resurrection of Jesus Christ—this was an Easter-themed feature. But further investigation revealed that, like Jesus, Virginia Gillis' story had a bit of mythology in it. Such as: her name, her age, her location, her outstanding warrants, and everything else about her story! It might have been easier if they just told us what was true in the original, rather than false. The entire, and truly epic, editor's note from page one of yesterday's paper [via Romenesko], after the jump.