On Wednesday night, 17,000 people flooded into Madison Square Garden. There were countless Rangers jerseys, scores of Strong Island's finest haircuts, innumerable pairs of Uggs, two tattooed Southern boys with megawatt charm, a magician, and me. Screens around the rim of the Garden projected images of a green card table while Justin, the first magician I'd ever seen wear a bicep-hugging t-shirt, flipped cards to the melody of a Katy Perry song.

Saturday, Jim Dolan and his band JD & The Straight Shot will open for the fuckin' Eagles at Madison Square Garden, a storied venue that Dolan happens to own. The performance will surely go down in history as the moment the 59-year-old billionaire Cablevision CEO and father of six became World's Coolest Dad.

A New York couple reported that they were the victims of a hate crime Sunday afternoon, when they were assaulted in Madison Square Garden by a group of attackers dressed in Knicks gear. Nick Porto and his partner Kevin Atkins were reportedly walking arm-in-arm on Eighth Avenue by 34th Street around 5 P.M. when they were allegedly surrounded by four men and physically and verbally assaulted.

Are you telling me you don't know who I am? That's a sentence that always goes over well. Filled with humility, sympathy for your fellow human, eschewing vanity, beaming with a deep awareness of your small place in the universe. That's everything that sentence captures.

At last night's 12-12-12 benefit show at Madison Square Garden, Kanye West paced around a dark, empty stage, cranking out a 20-minute medley of recent and past hits (from "Clique" to "Gold Digger"). But what made a bigger impression than his stamina was the leather skirt and leggings combo he wore onstage. The hubbub was stupid for at least two reasons:

Madison Square Garden is a name so synonymous with New York City greatness and success that artists and athletes who perform there have a tendency to call it "the main stage of the world" and "a mecca." So how does Madison Square Garden treat its New York City employees, who have helped sustain its grandness, when they're down and out? By demanding they get back to work, of course.

In a new promo for her May 7th concert movie on HBO, Lady Gaga is seen talking backstage before her gig at Madison Square Garden. She's crying and talking about how she still feels like a loser thanks to the high school bullies who tormented her. Aww.

Usher brings a fan onstage to serenade her. Sexily, he takes her into his arms. Reclining, she grinds against him, then lifts her leg and flicks her foot over his head, stripper-style—only to kick him in the face.

[Rapper Jay-Z, trying to figure out how much money he's making from his concerts with Eminem, at Yankee Stadium in New York City on Monday night. Pic via AP.]

There's nothing like grabbing a hot dog, a $12 beer and enjoying a ball game, right? Well, as long as you don't mind the possibility of "mouse excreta" or some dead fruit flies as an extra topping.

[Someone walks across the snow-slicked sidwalk outside of Madison Square Garden during today's storm. Image via Getty]

Only a few more days to suggest a name for New York's new pro lacrosse team. Note that "Smurf Butts" has already been rejected.