Why does some jerk write a story two weeks before Christmas every year about the "millions" of shoppers out there "beginning to rue their procrastinatory ways"? This time, it's occasional Gizmodo columnist Brendan Koerner, writing today in Slate. "With nary a gift purchased, panicked shoppers are often tempted to take the easy way out with gift cards, neckties, and bottles of cheap perfume," he says. "Such presents might technically fulfill your holiday obligations, but they're unlikely to score you much love." Jackass. Unless he's projecting, in which case: cheap unloved jackass. [Slate]