The national housewife superego has lady feelings? Yes, maybe. Via the Post, the AP reports that Former Inmate 55170-0549 might soon become Mrs. Martha Helen Kostrya Stewart Simonyi (evidently, WASPiness works by the one-drop rule). Her omnibeing notwithstanding, Martha is currently in Kazakhstan to cheer on and/or get married to her space-tourist manfriend, who's set to blast off today. Unfortunately, he is not Lance Bass. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Post, and half a world away, a New York City subway car yesterday was attacked and transformed into "a cozy living room with curtains, flowers, throw pillows and rugs" in a "guerrilla installation, dubbed 'No Train Like Home.'" No signs indicate that these heinous transportation/decoration acts are related, but that's because Martha Stewart is a evil genius, like Marilyn vos Savant without the ILF part.

Time to assess the seething, festering id of the world west of the Hudson as explained in the pages of PARADE magazine! Oh, America, what's on your mind? Well, since you asked, Rosalind Wiseman—the lady who wrote Mean Girls before Tina Fey did— says bullying is worse than ever, because of "the Internet." Also, puberty:

Alright, we fess up. Gawker Weekend exists for one reason: we want to own the coverage of PARADE magazine, the nation's favorite Sunday insert and, with the Guinness-confirmed genius lady Marilyn vos Savant on board, literally the smartest publication on Earth. Among the reader-submitted questions to be answered this weekend: How can I dine like the stars at those lavish Oscar-night dinner parties?"; "Who do you think had more of an impact on music: Elvis Presley or James Brown?"; and "What are 'Sea-Monkeys'?" There's also, inexplicably, a long profile of Dharma & Greg's Thomas Gibson (what's he up to? Not much!) and "exclusive pictures" of Christina Ricci.