marketing

Advertising of The Future To Enslave The White Man

Hamilton Nolan · 08/06/09 09:00AM

What if our corporate overlords could measure precisely how one single city block—yours—would respond to their advertisements for Pringles™ brand astronaut potatoes, to offer a delicious example? They would use this power for racism, obvs.

Sell Your Twitter Soul for $100 Per Tweet

Ryan Tate · 08/04/09 03:14PM

Shilling has never looked more attractive: Amid an old-media depression, "sponsored" blogging company Izea thinks it can get you around $1 per character to sell out on Twitter.

Are You Smart Enough to Join the Army?

Hamilton Nolan · 08/03/09 08:52AM

There was a time not long ago that the US Army was desperate for any warm bodies with working (for now) limbs. Now they've got plenty of otherwise-unemployable Americans as soldiers, and they need officers. Hello, creative underclass!

Merry Christmas, Shoppers!

Hamilton Nolan · 07/31/09 11:33AM

The Way We Live Now: With bells on. Jingle bells. Sweaty, stank jingle bells. They get that way when you wear em in July. But the economy demands Christmas shopping now. I want a hideous Jeff Koons diamond sculpture, Santa!

At Least You Have Beer In a Box

Hamilton Nolan · 07/29/09 11:00AM

Are you a sad football-watching drunk who wants nothing more than to guzzle cheap American beer and pass out in front of the flickering televised sporting contest, momentarily forgetting your copious problems? No, you're the future of beer marketing!

The Valedictory Address of the Future?

cityfile · 07/28/09 02:05AM

Meet Kenya Mejia, this year's valedictorian at Alexander Hamilton High School in Los Angeles. If her remarks at last month's graduation ceremony strike you as a bit forced, there's a good reason for that. Mejia may be the first high school student in history to insert a product placement into a graduation speech, a plug for the romantic comedy I Love You, Beth Cooper for which Twentieth Century Fox paid her $1,800.

Aspray Your Butt

Hamilton Nolan · 07/27/09 02:17PM

Aspray your butt. Why have a stank butt, or stank privates? Aspray them. The odors disappear. As this commercial that's really been running on TV emphasizes: Aspray is safe for your butt, and privates. Click to watch. [via Adfreak]

Don Draper Would Not Approve of AMC Mad Men Pitch

Natasha VC · 07/21/09 01:20PM

There are so many great things about Don Draper, but let's just choose one: his product pitches are so evocative. His vision and lyrical description imbues every product not only with a sense of luxury but a sense of necessity.

Most Blatant Ghostwriting Job of the Year

Hamilton Nolan · 07/20/09 02:57PM

Noted social media evangelist MC Hammer "wrote" an op-ed for Adweek today called "It's Twitter Time." In this op-ed he "wrote," Hammer included this paragraph, which "he" "wrote":

Wretched Interns Desperately Compete for Life-Sustaining Snack Cakes

Hamilton Nolan · 07/14/09 04:27PM

Things have gotten so bad that unpaid corporate interns are literally starving. Across America, interns are desperately prostituting their fresh young smiling faces in return for a single box of Little Debbie muffins, so they may live another day.