Mark Wahlberg tells The New York Daily News that he wants his 1988 felony assault conviction pardoned because he's a good role model and "every single day I try to better myself as a person." He also, according to his original petition, wants to volunteer with the LAPD.

Mark Wahlberg wants formal recognition from the government that he's now a Serious Movie Star and not just a beer-stealing eye-stabber.

It's all coulda, woulda, shoulda with you, Marky Mark. After claiming he could have stopped 9/11 and being immune to masturbation, he claimed to have big friends in high places doling out insider Oscar information the night before the awards.

Just when you thought Mark Wahlberg had traded his racist streetfighting for hamburger franchises and Oscar nods, he gives a crazed interview bragging about bare-knuckling boxing with terrorists and never masturbating. This can only end in disaster.

Tonight on 60 Minutes Mark Wahlberg took us on a tour of his hometown of Dorchester, Mass., recounting a beer-run gone horribly wrong and his rise from behind bars to the upper echelons of the Funky Bunch.

Mark Wahlberg wants you to forget his rapping underwear salesman days, but this workout video denies that possibility. Try as he might, the public can never forget that beautiful Bostonian, his life of Good Vibrations and "fly honeys". Pow!

Call it a midlife crisis, queasiness or just sheer boredom, but good soldier Mark Wahlberg may have finally reached his leading-man saturation point with The Happening. It was bad enough that the gossips attribute his persistent new jitters to his work with "that scary motherfucker Manoj" Night Shyamalan, or that the actor fled Tuesday's premiere and afterparty to watch his Celtics battle the Lakers in the NBA Finals. But no on-screen spookiness could prepare him for the terrifying onslaught of questions about his past with the Funky Bunch: