The national housewife superego has lady feelings? Yes, maybe. Via the Post, the AP reports that Former Inmate 55170-0549 might soon become Mrs. Martha Helen Kostrya Stewart Simonyi (evidently, WASPiness works by the one-drop rule). Her omnibeing notwithstanding, Martha is currently in Kazakhstan to cheer on and/or get married to her space-tourist manfriend, who's set to blast off today. Unfortunately, he is not Lance Bass. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Post, and half a world away, a New York City subway car yesterday was attacked and transformed into "a cozy living room with curtains, flowers, throw pillows and rugs" in a "guerrilla installation, dubbed 'No Train Like Home.'" No signs indicate that these heinous transportation/decoration acts are related, but that's because Martha Stewart is a evil genius, like Marilyn vos Savant without the ILF part.

It's so nice that Martha Kostyra Stewart let Rachel Dratch into her home—well, studio—for the Easter holiday. Especially since Rachel is a Jew and seems totally weirded out by the Polish Easter meal that Martha is preparing. It's like, you can almost hear her thinking, "Didn't your grandfather kill my grandfather in that forest outside of Krakow?" Or something like that! Anyway, we've put together some of the highlights from this morning's broadcast. Do enjoy, and Happy Easter.

• NBC News had always planned to can "Nightly News" exec producer John Reiss. The fact that ABC is starting to manhandle them, ratings-wise, is just a happy coincidence. [NYT]
  

• Surly Maer Roshan only talks to Yusef Jackson. Yusef talks to Ron Burkle. It's called plausible deniability. You know, allegedly. [NYO]
  

• Brad and Angelina spent Christmas helping Colombian refugees in Costa Rica, but failed to return to the U.S. with any additional orphans for their family. [Hot Momma]
  

None of us will ever really know what exactly went down behind the razorwire-and- chocolate-frosting-fortified walls of Camp Cupcake, but whatever it was, it appears to have melted the ice sculpture known as Martha Stewart into a woman of almost human-like coloring and behavior. Whether standing up to a bullying Donald Trump and his hair, aloofly fending off Borat's amorous advances on The Tonight Show, or, most recently, holding her own against Sirius co-jock Howard Stern and his probing questions about sex behind bars, Martha 2.0 is all about letting us in. Take, for example, her candid insights from that same Stern interview about why things never worked out with crush-object Sir Anthony Hopkins:

The date: November, 2006, 7 p.m.

The place: 10 Columbus Circle, Time Warner Center.

Sighted: "Martha Stewart, in front of the Time Warner Center. She got into the Range Rover, instructed her assistant to meet her at the Today Show in the morning, then her SUV drove off. She actually told the assistant to 'have a good evening.'"

Martha Stewart was on 'Today' this morning, but it wasn't just another of her frequent synergytastic drop-ins. No, she was there to promote her book, which we believe is entitled How To Be An Even Better Housewife. One of Martha's hot tips is about how to remove red wine stains; apparently it's not a very good one, judging from her expression when Meredith Viera accidentally sloshed where she wasn't supposed to slosh. Watch and judge for yourself whether Meredith is just uncoordinated, or maybe doing the old Couric Irish-coffee routine.

From yesterday's New York Times Business "Suits" column:

• George Michael gets so stoned that he stops his car in the middle of a North London intersection and slumps over. This, alas, leads to his arrest. Poor dude's just chilling a little bit, thinking about McDonald's...what's the big deal, man? [AP]
• After realizing that baring her breasts is not enough to sell albums, Janet Jackson considers a reunion with Justin Timberlake for a "big, live show." Because if Timberlake bares her breasts for her, then she'll taste success. [Page Six]
• Robin Williams: in and out of rehab before you even knew he was gone. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Martha Stewart has a torn hip muscle. It's not the proverbial broken hip, but any injury in that area signifies the beginning of senility. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Katie Holmes starves herself until she's thin. At least she's starting to behave like a normal starlet again. [Scoop]
• The 25-room Guccione mansion is going for $5 million dollars? That's a helluva price cut, or a helluva gaffe. [Page Six]
• When Aaron Nick (does it make a difference, really?) Carter learned that Paris Hilton was cheating on him with Chad Michael Murray, he beat the crap out of her. Then he went and hooked up with Ashlee Simpson. [Us Weekly]

On Friday night, comeback felon Martha Stewart and 2,000 screaming cult members celebrated the 15th anniversary of Martha Stewart Living magazine:

Brought to you by the October issue of Martha Stewart Living and your local Grand Wizard Kids' club.

• Martha Stewart has settled her civil suit with the SEC for insider trading, forced to pony up only $195K (insignificant pennies to her). Much more bruising is the other part of the agreement, which bars her from serving as CEO or senior official at any publicly-held company for the next 5 years. Including her own Martha Stewart Omnimedia. Nothing in the settlement forbidding a puppet regime... [NYT]
• After all that silly Cocaine Kate crap, model Kate Moss is bigger than ever. See, children? Drugs are good. [Made in Brazil]
• The Economist lurves Fall Out Boy. [FoM]
• Menace II...the Poconos? [AP]
• Calling all Lee Majors fans: unite in the quest to see The Fall Guy on DVD. [Jalopnik]
• We fail to see how a printable map of the celebrity whereabouts is any less life-threatening than our silly map. [NYM]
• Greg Gutfeld on fear. Lots and lots of fear. [HuffPo]
• Blue States Lose, but the European Union loses with a certain je ne sais quoi. [Logged Hours]
• Conde Nast to launch a website called Flip, aimed at "fuelling teenagers' ambition," so that said youth may someday go on to become ruthless, backstabbing Conde assistants. [AdAge]
• Paris Hilton claims that she is going celibate. If a celebutwat shuts her legs when no one's around, does she make a sound? [AP]

So first there was just Martha Stewart's new Blueprint. Then there was the centrist Dems' wonky Blueprint. And then also the British design mag called Blueprint. And now a reader in Chicago writes in with perhaps our favorite version: Blueprints, which bills itself as "the produce professionals' quarterly journal." We think that means it's a whole magazine about fruits and vegetables. Which, come to think of it, means you'd really think Martha would have heard of it.

Ruh-roh redux: There's even another Blueprint out there, a London-based mag one emailer calls an "esteemed international design pub." We'd tell you more about it, but the site is only available to subscribers and a U.S. subscription costs $140/year. And we don't care that much. But there it is (even if belatedly).

Ruh-roh. A D.C. wonky-type friend emails to point out a potential larger problem for Martha Stewart's new mag than mere revolving editors-in-chief. There's already a magazine called Blueprint, put out by the crusading moderates of the Democratic Leadership Council, and he wonders if there'll be a copyright battle brewing. The answer: Of course not. These are the kinds of centrist Democrats who can't even muster the conviction to battle with Bush, let alone with Martha. Plus, we hear Joe Lieberman always enjoys a good crafts project.

Eat the Press looks up from the buffet long enough to catch word this afternoon that Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia has found an editor-in-chief for Blueprint, its new title aimed at younger women: Sarah Humphreys, formerly special projects director at Time Inc.'s Real Simple. The first issue of Blueprint hit in May, the next is scheduled for August, and we're wracking our brains trying to remember if there was an EIC for that first issue who left amid some sort of controversy. Best we can recall — and best Nexis and Google and our Gawker archive seem to suggest — there wasn't; that first issue was simply overseen by MSLO's development editor, Tom Prince, and now needs its own chief. And that seems fair: Sending your chairman off to prison is enough HR controversy to last any publishing company for some time.

Martha Stewart was just on the Today show to educate us all on the art of decorating plant pots; before the arts and crafts, however, Ann Curry couldn't resist showing off her hard-nosed newswench skills. Just as Stewart opened her mouth to begin lecturing on terra cotta, Curry interrupted to ask about the state of the civil suit Stewart is currently facing from the Securities and Exchanges Commission. While Stewart looked none too pleased to have her domestic lesson interrupted, she did indulge: contrary to every published report we've seen, Stewart is not fighting the second round of insider trading charges. "We're close to a happy settlement," she said. How nice to see a negotiation so full of mirth.

Wrap up the Powerbook cord and follow Esther Dyson to the next con — the D Conference winds down today. For actual news from people who are there, check out the Wall Street Journal's blog. (Favorite post: Turning the schmaltz up to 11.) For trumped-up news filtered through the snark machine, look no further. Photos by ZDNet reporter Dan Farber.

• We really don't want today to end, if only so that everyone can continue to hyper-analyze Katie Couric's insane farewell on the Today show. [BWE]
• A new theory on Brangelina: did she have a C-Section because she didn't want to give baby Shiloh herpes? And did she give herpes to Brad Pitt? Was that how Jen Aniston found out he was cheating? Could we be any more stupid about this whole thing? [OhNoTheyDidn't]
• Martha Stewart puts her Westport, CT home up for sale for a mere $8.9 million. But you'll have to pay extra to have that hideous wallpaper removed. [FishbowlNY]
• In the soft underbellies of New York's hipster havens, there are at least 3 people who don't drink. Granted, you won't see these folks on the Cobrasnake — but dammit, they're out there. [VV]
• Give K-Fed a shower and a comb, and he could be dominating the halls of Goldman Sachs. [Us Weekly]
• Memoirist Augusten Burroughs indulges the girls at Jane with a message board Q&A, wherein we learn that he doesn't know how to spell per se. Not that we should talk, but then again, we have a lot less money and a much bigger chip on our shoulders. [Jane]
• With all these celebrity babies being spit out left and right, a career in child therapy — especially with a Beverly Hills practice — may prove to be very lucrative. [The Letter D]
• During its last launch, Radar housed its visiting web designers at the opulent Hotel Carter. This time around, maybe the Chinatown Best Western? [Flickr]
• Presented without comment, a Vincent Gallo blog. Oh hell, we can't not comment — it's really creepy. [I Blew Vincent Gallo]