During the warm, lazy days of summer, Vanity Fair likes to turn its attention to Hollywood, declaring some actor or clutch of actors the future of entertainment. It rarely ends well. This time they've taken something of a shotgun approach, naming 27 young actors, aged 15 to 26, to be the brightest stars in Hollywood. I'm sure if they expanded things a little more, to say, everyone in California under the age of 30, they'd be certain to catch a winner in the bunch. Actual names, and the dreaded fates of those previously tapped by V.F. after the jump.

· Things we learned at the Los Angeles Film Festival this week. School Of Rock 2 isn't a pipe dream. Guillermo del Toro isn't going to milk The Hobbit. Women deserve equal talk show hosting rights, too. Nobody wanted to make Animal House. Chris Carter is as secretive as ever. Did somebody order stake?
· The battle between the Paps and the Surfs was kinda like the Greasers versus the Socs, only with the newly blackberry-less Matthew McConaughey playing the role of Dally. But what of the rematch?
· Mini-Me showed the world his mini-me, which should help him knock down that large tax debt.
· Raffaello Follieri, Anne Hathaway's sketchball ex, got pinched for attempting to defraud God. A judge set bail at $21 million, but who's gonna take care of the dog?
· Mary Kate Olsen de-pruned herself long enough to convince Dave Letterman that her old arch enemy Spencer Pratt is, indeed, a prat.
· No one was safe as we counted down the Hollywood's Top Ten Worst Kissers.
· Wall-E manged to get fatties and Republicans up in arms without saying a word.
· Whoa, who raped the Coreys? One mystery solved, one to go.
· AC Slater found himself embroiled in Chesthairgate.
· The Emasculation of Joshua continued, as Katherine Heigl used her whipped husband as an ashtray and made him curl her hair. Joshua did not escape unscathed.
· You can ongratulate Jason Bateman on the impending Arrested Development movie, but be sure you don't bring up pregnant teens.
· We had a dream. We had an awesome dream. Mainly b/c it was filled with lesbian werewolves.
·: Noted blog-hater Patrick Goldstein entered the blogosphere. We can only guess how many of his 1,100 pageviews came from his IP address.
· Which groovy comedy superstar is openly courting other men to touch his monkey? Perhaps they should frequent the Fox and Sony lots?
· Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits. We'll miss you, George.

Right on the heels of Mary-Kate Olsen's passive aggressive jabs at ex-classmate and David Letterman punching bag Spencer Pratt last night, the professional Hollywood sleazeball has promptly retaliated by releasing a few downright cruel and unoriginal insults to Us today. As Pratt tells the weekly:

Mary-Kate Olsen is en fuego these days. First she proved that she's able to smile without looking like Renee Zellweger, then her Wackness co-star Ben Kingsley announced she is quite the siren when it comes to on-screen kissing skills, and now she's teamed up with David Letterman to slowly and swiftly decapitate Hills villain Spencer Pratt. On Dave's couch to plug her film, MKO's stoner voice waxed rhapsodically about her hippiefest of a birthday celebration at Bonaroo, and what it was like to, as Dave put it, "kiss a really old guy." But things turned far more interesting after Olsen slyly inserted the robotic nobody Pratt into the conversation. And Dave couldn't have been more pleased. Hear what MK had to reveal about going to high school with Pratt, and join us in applauding her ability to spark an insult-laden bout of commentary from Dave regarding the "wormy," "oily" Pratt.

Flannel-loving starlet Mary-Kate Olsen was in no condition to be on David Letterman's Late Show last night. Her excuse for her disjointed, unenthusiastic interview? She was "so tired" after her long trip (on an airplane, of course, not via any illegal drugs or booze or whatnot). Letterman could hardly have sounded less impressed with this, and twice referred back to how sorry he was about Olsen being "tired," by which he meant that she never should have plopped down on his damned couch if she was exhausted. Having been in show business since she was six-months old, MKO should have realized she was breaking the implicit talk-show contract: free publicity in exchange for a little coherent dish. If you're tired, buy a venti half-and-half latte to pull yourself together, or relinquish your camera time. At least Olsen shared some bitchy history on Spencer Pratt from The Hills. Clip of that and her tired-ness after the jump.

Only a week after our careful study of the Olsen Twins’ trademark Prune faces, clever little Mary-Kate Olsen pulled a fast one on us at last night’s screening for her new film The Wackness: the minx bore actual teeth for photographers, pose after forced pose. And even though it looks like putting on a smile in public is taking every last bit of effort and strength MK's tiny body can muster, the acrobatically trained twin has admittedly perfect chompers. Why she’s been holding back on us remains a mystery, but what doesn’t is where Olsen would rank on yesterday’s roundup of celebrity make-out partners. Her 64-year old Wackness co-star Ben Kingsley clued interested parties in on the talents Mary-Kate’s de-pruned grin is capable of, after the jump.

[Mary-Kate Olsen at the premiere of her new film "The Wackness" in New York last night; image via Splash]

Loose-lipped Jack Black has recently decided to abandon his pre-married man habits like staying up too late with “beer” and “dudes,” but by far the most impressive habit Black claims to have kicked is smoking. Though we don't really immediately picture a carton of cigarettes when thinking of the Brangelina baby blabber, there are more than a few stars who we see smoking so often we automatically reach for a cancer stick whenever we see them on-screen. So who are the smokiest chimneys in Hollywood these days? We put together a list of the newbies and their predecessors, all of whom we feel should be notified that Joshua Kelley, no matter what Heigl has told them, is not, in fact, an ashtray:

Once again, some noble crusader has invaded Photobucket and dug up some scurrilous photos of young celebrities at play. In today's batch, one of the Olsen twins (we suspect Mary-Kate) is partying with some friends, most of whom are dressed in flannel, including famous rich person's daughter Nicole Richie and her man friend, rocker Joel Madden. The kids are pictured in some sort of wood-paneled mansion, playing with a piñata and smoking cigarettes. It's unclear when these were taken or whose birthday (it's a birthday, right?) they were celebrating, but Nicole Richie seems to be making a point of showing that she's not drinking in one of the photos. So perhaps it was while she was pregnant. Do your own sleuthing around the big brown mansion in a photo gallery, after the jump.

• A judge has decided to keep Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook's divorce case open, and Diana Bianchi, the teenager Peter cheated on Christie with, says she's willing to testify if need be. [NYDN]

After attending a New York movie screening with rumored new boyfriend Justin Bartha last night, it appears that Ashley Olsen is about to finally make her new relationship public. And after years of tracking the Olsen Twins, we have to admit that we are more than a bit mystified by how these two ended up as a couple. The deliciously handsome actor, sort of memorable from National Treasure (for those of you bold enough to admit you've seen it), is about to become far more memorable after appearing opposite Catherine Zeta-Jones in next year's The Rebound. But more on our new crush this guy later. The question we can't quite answer yet has to do with both Olsens and their laundry list of former flings. Never failing to shock, both Mary Kate and Ashley have one of the most eccentric, baffling and WTF dating history between them. We examine each of their previous love interests in an attempt to figure out what exactly they find attractive, why they pick who they pick, and upon discovering quite the few lookers in the bunch, why these guys pick them, after the jump.

What wasn’t there to love about last night’s Season Four premiere of Weeds? Albert Brooks as Andy’s disapproving father calling Nancy “Francie”! Silas finally entering dangerously hot boy territory! The absence of Mary Kate Olsen as the trippy hippie “sexy” guest star! And as THR reports today, we’re not alone. With 1.3 million viewers tuning in to find out Nancy’s fate with the high-level hard drug dealers (so realistically frightening for even a comedy as dark as this one), Mary Louise Parker and her merry marijuana-scented series premiere broke Showtime’s record as the most-viewed season premiere in history, topping Dexter’s second-season debut which lured 1 million. For a taste of the action warranting this kind of attention, see this clip from last night involving Parker’s adorable attempts at child rearing, dead grandmothers discovered by prepubescent boys, and our introduction to the Botwins’ omniscient neighbor named, of course, Rad.

No blog, talking head or alcoholic British songbird can compete with PETA when it comes to snark. For decades, the animal lovers have verbally beheaded countless starlets for their fur and snakeskin accessories, but only recently have their targets bitten back. After seeing a recent photo of plumper-than-usual Jessica Simpson sporting one of those so-last-season message t-shirts reading "Real Girls Eat Meat," we wondered how many of her peers have boldly set themselves up for one of PETA's trademark white powder massacres. Having called Nicole Richie "an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match," advising Ashley Olsen that "wearing fur does add 20 pounds, but if [she] wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead," and telling Lindsay Lohan "there's no road to recovery for the foxes who are anally electrocuted so that you can look skanky," has PETA inspired any other starlets to publicly react just as vehemently? We take a look at the ongoing battles after the jump.

The long-running war between the celebrity-obsessed activists at PETA and the tiny fur-obsessed Olsen Twins makes Cruise v. Shields scrap look like the Anglo-Zanzibar War in comparison. In the past, we’ve tended to laugh along as PETA got huffy at the tiny millionaires every time they insisted on draping themselves in the former coats of lions, tigers and bears during August heat waves, but a statement from the borderline bestiality fan group released today has us wondering which is worse: designing a (generally critically praised) collection including fur, or catty threats viciously aimed at the pair:

Everyone's favorite set of child-star-turned-media-tycoon twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, turn 22 today. Congrats, girls. We expect there'll be lots of shots involved in your celebration tonight, although we're guessing you decided to forgo the birthday cake. Also celebrating around town today: U.N. head honcho Ban Ki-Moon turns 64. Portly congressman Jerry Nadler is 61. Celebrating tomorrow: Donald Trump will turn 63, although with that rug on his head, he doesn't look a day over 62. CNN's Campbell Brown turns the big 4-0. Book editor Alice Mayhew will be 72. Hedge fund tycoon Stanley Druckenmiller will be 56. Restauranteur Phil Suarez turns 68. And veteran sportscaster Len Berman will be 62.

Love them or hate them, the magical millionaire pixies that are the Olsen Twins have at least one confirmed talent: perfecting their trademark pose for the paparazzi. And unlike Keira Knightley’s "Don’t Hate Me Because I’m So Rich, Thin And Beautiful" pout or Lindsay Lohan’s dilated tipsy face (often accompanied by props like neon bras and knives!), the Olsens allegedly use a tactic called The Prune. We highly doubt we’re the only ones who’ve noticed the duo’s matching facial contortion on red carpets in which their doll-sized lips purse and their cheekbones struggle to break free from nicotine-drenched skin. Their secret? As a source tells OK!, “Every time they pose and smile, they say the word ‘prune.’” Genius! Examples of the sometimes-flattering, sometimes-horrifying technique, presented in our favorite Tipsy Face Bingo format, after the jump.

• Madonna's estranged brother Christopher Ciccone is writing a tell-all book about his sis, and it's supposed to be extremely graphic and "devastating." [Page Six]

With impeccable timing, PETA has launched its latest offensive in the midst of a monstrous heat wave, when not even the most devoted fur wearer would go near a pelt. The loony animal rights agitators—who have gone after Anna Wintour, Kimora Lee Simmons, and Diane von Furstenberg in the past—are now training their attention on the Olsens. For the twins' upcoming 22nd birthday, people are urged to send human hair as a gift, "since they seem to be in such dire need of extra hair on their bodies." Because they're skinny, get it? We preferred the last stunt—when Donna Karan "would eat bunnies raw if she could."

• Having lost his criminal case, famed spin-class grunter Stuart Sugarman sued Christopher Carter, who manhandled his stationary bike, in civil court. He also sued his gym, Equinox. [Daily News]

The Olsen Twins have been attached at the bony hip since first entering our living rooms as the painful-to-watch double duo of Michelle Tanner on Full House, during which they spent most of their first six years staring blandly into the camera and earning thigh-slapper after thigh-slapper off the laugh track. And right up until now, days before turning 19, both Mary Kate and Ashley have remained one seemingly inseparable force, designing their Row line together, co-operating Dualstar and even cohabitating in their New York party palace. But as the July issue of Elle reveals, all is not well in billionaire twinland. Mary Kate, either high on the scent of Christian Louboutin leather or suffering a brain fart after all the recent trapeze classes in China she blabs on and on about taking on a whim, spills a bit too much when it comes to the twins’ recent ...”differences.”