The President himself looked at Vanity Fair's Blogopticon and wondered if one of his two selves was getting the short end of the internet stick. And Negropedia Brown has cracked the case!

Negropedia Brown was pedaling furiously on his bike. He needed to return to his bodega office in fast order. His last case resulted in picketing, "Hell no, the negro must go!" the surly crowd chanted.

How to determine your Political-Empathy quotient: On one axis find your political ideology somewhere between the two poles of Conservative and Liberal. On the other axis we have "Us"(inclusive) vs. "Them"(exclusive). Yes.

The sensibility of all hipsters have two axes: 1. "irony" 2. "alternative". This weekend I got hipster-lit, myspace-account broker, and quirky-NYM-darling Tao Lin to help me plot current events on The Hipster Matrix.

Well in the midst of all the hubbub in Williamsburg another huge internet sensation, Twitter, took some major steps this week: Twitaholic Ashton Kutcher hit a million followers. And now, Oprah's on board. Matrix time!

Hey baby, what's your major? Philosophy? Oh yeah? Me too. Wait? David Brooks said what? God/Print/Hip Hop/Web2.0/Print/Facebook and Philosophy is dead??? And then 446 unemployed philosophy majors commented in protest??? Oh, hell no.