An unnamed Victoria's Secret model destroys a priceless work of art by rubbing her perfect body across it. Lindsay Lohan's assistant quits in a huff. Bethenny Frankel's mysterious first husband revealed. TGIFriday gossip.

Don't worry, she followed it up with "shhh." A Real Housewife gets bounced from Fashion Week. Kelly Osbourne and Peaches Geldof's elaborate dance of avoidance implodes. John Mayer's so far gone, even Oprah won't touch him. Wednesday gossip cometh.

Director Baz Luhrmann turns 47 today. Gossip Girl's Matthew Settle is turning 40. Joe Bastianich, the restaurateur and partner of Mario Batali, is 41. Russian supermodel Eugenia Volodina is 25. Supreme Court Justice David Souter turns 70. American Idol contestant-turned-Broadway star Constantine Maroulis is turning 34. One of the Miller sisters, Princess Marie-Chantal, is 41. Rapper Doug E. Fresh is turning 43. Lakers head coach Phil Jackson is 64. Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley turns 76. And Paula Jones is 43, although she probably shouldn't expect a birthday card from Bill Clinton.

[Submit your own Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] July 28th @ 9:30pm: Partied to a performance from Taylor Momsen's band, The Pretty Reckless, with Ed Westwick, Chace Crawford, Jessica Szhor, Matthew Settle, Connor Paolo, and Michelle Trachtenberg for her Sweet 16!

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] March 10 @ 1:30pm I just saw Gossip Girl's Matthew Settle, carrying 2 little dogs along 7th Avenue. He seemed in a hurry.