Jesse Scott Owen, a freshman at King's College in Manhattan, was knocked unconscious in the street Tuesday when a futon guided by the invisible hand of a vengeful angel, fell on him from a height of "at least" 30 stories.

Luxury mattress makers E.S. Kluft sell a $33,000 mattress called the Palais Royale. It will probably not make you sleep that much better than an $800 mattress from Sleepy's. So how do they justify charging that much?

Just trying to be a normal xenophobic American man these days means constantly fighting back against The System (ladies, etc.) telling us to buy fancy shampoo and fancy underwear, so, hey fellas, do not buy more fancy crap by choice.