Empire Mayonnaise, the Brooklyn artisanal mayonnaise store once parodied in a Saturday Night Live sketch about gentrification, is being forced to move because the neighborhood “has gotten really expensive.” I bet they are so sick of the joke you are making right now.

Meet Shiseido, an actual human being (not a makeup line), who says she has a fear of mayonnaise. The 25-year-old was profiled on last night's My Food Obsession, the Cooking Channel's answer to TLC's range of programming of weird people doing weird shit extremely.