Everyone's favorite fantasist has gone and made a stealth film. Also today: Melanie Griffith gets a new gig, so does Jenna Elfman, and E! embarks on a terrible new journey.

Two of America's straightest men had a nice hang the other day. Also today: Leo cozies up to even more models, Bree Olson quits the game, Prince Harry eats a burger, and Melanie Griffith eats a hotdog.

Last night marked the start of the Cannes Film Festival, Hollywood's paid vacation to the south of France. So, who's currently caught up in the collision of blockbusters and indies? Oh, just about every star on earth. Here are just a few.

• Jake Gyllenhaal just split up with Reese Witherspoon. Has he already moved on with Anne Hathaway? That's what the National Enquirer is suggesting. So it could be true, but it could also be totally made up. [ShowbizSpy]
• In other Anne Hathaway news, it turns out the guy who crashed his bike into the car she was sitting in earlier this week was a paparazzo. [AP]
• Demi Moore posted a pic of herself to Twitter—it was an outtake from a recent Harper's Bazaar photo shoot—and fellow Twitter users unleashed their wrath, suggesting the photos had been Photoshopped and telling her she looked old. "I'm 47. How am I supposed to look?" she responded. This actually makes us feel a bit bad for Demi, which isn't something that happens very often. [Us]
• "Snooki" (Nicole Polizzi) from MTV's Jersey Shore has been fired from her receptionist job for taking time off to go to LA to promote the show. (She's not too broken up about it. She got to hang out with Kristin Cavallari while she was there, so it was totally worth it.) In other Snooki news, the guy who punched her in the face on the show, a scene MTV censored, says he's sorry. [NYDN, Us]

Jennifer Aniston takes Morocco by....storm? She's dating (or not dating) a camel. Posh Spice has bunions. Jake Gyllenhaal is special. Courtney Love's greatest hookup ever. Thanksgiving Dinner at the Waverly Inn. LiLo being LiLo. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Is Kate Middleton, Prince William's girlfriend, planning to move to New York? Possibly! [DM]
• A coroner has ruled Michael Jackson's death was due to lethal levels of the anesthetic Propofol in his body, which may very well pave the way for prosecutors to file manslaughter charges against Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray. [MSNBC, People, NYDN]
• In other Jackson family news, Barbara Walters has landed the first interview with LaToya Jackson, which will air on September 11. Exciting, huh? [ABC]
• Jessica Biel is the most dangerous celebrity on earth—at least when it comes to computer viruses. People who seek out info on Biel online stand a one-in-five chance of visiting a site "designed to damage their computer." [Us]

Melanie Griffith's drying out, an Amy Winehouse love letter sparks a lawsuit and Robin Williams may channel Susan Boyle. That — and more — in your Tuesday morning Gossip Roundup. Delicious!

Twins Charlotte and Samantha Ronson turn 32 today. David Duchovny is turning 49. Charlize Theron is 34. Author and radio personality Garrison Keillor is 67. Conservative political commentator Alan Keyes turns 59. Wayne Knight, the actor best known for playing Newman on Seinfeld, is turning 54. And Jimmy Wales, the co-founder of Wikipedia, is 43 today—at least according to his Wikipedia page. A handful of weekend birthdays—including that of Michael Kors, Chris Cuomo and Dustin Hoffman—follow below.

[Former actress Melanie Griffith watches an Easter parade from a balcony in Malaga, Spain; image via INF]

As many loyal Defamer readers must know by now, our favorite blind items tend to include three elements: closeted actors, drug-addicted actresses, and those rare but joyous items that include the quote “Do you want to fuck my wife?” And kudos to the NY Daily News for providing us with the gruesomely enjoyable trifecta all in one sordid little piece today:

Back in October 2004, Tatum O’Neal was a sobriety success story, having written a successful memoir after apparently conquering a drug addiction so intense that it made Stevie Nicks's habit look pithy. But as the NY Post reports, O’Neal was arrested by the NYPD last night while allegedly buying crack and cocaine just blocks away from her luxury apartment in Manhattan's Lower East Side. When she was busted, the actress supposedly claimed she was pulling a Mendes and researching a bit for an upcoming junkie role. Apparently, her research was tres Method — she was even carrying a crack pipe on her (but it was “clean!”, she said). Even more embarrassing? She reached for the age-old and very dusty “Don’t you know who I am?” in an attempt to get the cops to look the other way. But the cops didn’t bite, and O’Neal, along with her dealer, were taken to the clink. After the jump, we scoured her memoir of recovery to figure out why she may have gone back to the "glamorous" world of drugs.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

A story in Sunday's LAT did the unthinkable by finally pointing out the big Botoxed elephant in the room: no matter how painfully obvious it is to viewers, many stars who get nipped and tucked insist on denying it. But as the Times argues, just how many episodes of this season's Dancing With The Stars or Desperate Housewives can we sit through before drawing our own conclusions? Have you seen Priscilla Presley lately? And if celebrities are going so far as to undergo actual "head transplants," when will they finally start fessing up? We took a look at a few of the stars in question, such as Teri Hatcher and Carrie Fisher, to innocently throw some visual evidence into the mix.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so do your duty and send them in! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you couldn't stop giggling thinking about a Tell Me You Love Me star's stunt-cock mishaps at The Grove.

• George Soros and Queen Noor, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. [R&M]
  

Should Tom Cruise decide to purchase a pied terre in the Dakota—an event, sadly, more longed for than likely; a source tells us that "Tom prefers the Carlyle"—he'd face some fairly strict scrutiny. A tipster explains who does and doesn't get into the Dakota:

The complicated family dynamic between Miss Golden Globe Dakota Johnson and famous mom Melanie Griffith that first unfolded on stage during the Globes ceremony seemed to further develop in front of the wire service firing squad on the way to the after-parties. Stopping to momentarily bathe in the shower of flashbulbs en route to the Warner Bros/InStyle bash, Griffith seemingly clings both to the daughter growing up too fast and to her own past as the HFPA's designated mannequin. Young Dakota, acutely feeling the maternal drag on the spotlight of her petulant Hollywood coming out party, grants her a mere split-second of embrace, then slips away, leaving the proud/jealous woman through whose birth canal she once so happily passed grasping at fingertips.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com (putting “privacywatch” or “sighting” in the subject line helps make sure they don’t get lost in our inbox) and let the world know that Reese Witherspoon and the color orange don't get along.