America's most huggable teddy bear, Dick Cheney, has been working on his memoirs from his CIA-bunker house ever since leaving office. It should have been on bookstore shelves for a year or so by now, former vice president's rather serious heart problems got in the way. But now that's all over! In My Time: A Personal and Political Memoir will hit shelves on August 30, so grab your sleeping bags and head over to the nearest bookstore entrance now.

In her new memoir, A Helluva High Note, former American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi revealed that she was repeatedly molested at age 11 by a family friend in his late teens. She also mentions a date rape by a famous music producer. Memoirs: They're a helluva way to air out your closet.

One of the all-time Top Five, or really Top One, Barack Obama conspiracy theories is back in the news! Did you know that Barack Obama's terrorist friend, former Weather Underground member Bill Ayers, secretly ghostwrote the president's memoir, Dreams From My Father? This story has been around for several years and still comically emerges from time to time, like right now. The wingnuts have caught Ayers "admitting" that he wrote Barack Obama's book, again, when he was clearly making fun of them for ever believing something so stupid.

Frank Bailey is a former confidante to Sarah Palin. He started off painting her gubernatorial campaign offices as a volunteer in 2005 and left as a top aide in 2009. He was inspired by, loyal to, and probably in love with Palin, based on our reading. But now he hates her! All of this according to his 465-page, tell-all manuscript that's mysteriously leaked to reporters' inboxes everywhere.

Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown's memoir comes out next week, and he'll be interviewed about it on 60 Minutes this week. Among the book's revelations is his admission that he was sexually abused by a camp counselor several times at age 10, and never told anyone. His wife only just found out by reading the book.

What experience made you all pro-life? For beloved former President George W. Bush, it was that time his mama had a miscarriage and showed him the jarred fetus. From then on, Bush knew that he must protect America's fetuses, forever.

Decision Points, the world's most anticipated political memoir by George W. Bush ever is about to hit shelves. And the Drudge Report has offered up a preview! The first chapter opens up with George W. Bush as an alcoholic.

A suddenly in-the-news George W. Bush says that his greatest presidential failure was not privatizing social security. Discuss.

Here's George W. Bush, the last decent president this country ever had, just sittin' in front of a camera and pluggin' his exciting upcoming memoir, Decision Points. It's good to hear his sweet, angelic voice again. Video below.

Jaycee Dugard has sold a memoir about her 18 years in captivity with depraved sex maniac Phillip Garrido. By coincidence, Natascha Kampusch—the Austrian girl who escaped from a sex dungeon at age eighteen—just sold a memoir, too.

The Pentagon held a book burning last week, destroying 9,500 copies of this memoir.

Former War Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's years-in-the-making memoir, Known and Unknown, will be available at book merchants in January. Click to see the book's sexy mountain-man cover, as well as Rumsfeld's side-plan to silence the hippies by releasing "Iraq documents."

England's former boozehound-in-chief, Tony Blair, apparently plagiarized a fictional scene from The Queen—the Oscar-winning 2006 movie starring Helen Mirren, which Blair said he never watched—and tried to pass it off as reality in his memoir.

England is merrier than usual today, as ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair's memoir finally hits bookstores! So, is he sorry about Iraq? Did he ever "like-like" the Queen? Many questions remain. Blair makes one thing clear, though: He loved getting drunk.

Here's the cover of Me, Ricky Martin's upcoming memoir. In it he talks about Menudo, his solo career, "relationship with his fans," and probably that whole coming out thing. Can we make it cool to love Ricky Martin again?

George W. Bush's "people" have started scheduling promotional hoopla for his memoir, Decision Points, coming in November. Fortunately for Republicans, his first one-on-one interview — a primetime special with Matt Lauer! — will take place days after the midterm elections.

George W. Bush is slightly more popular nowadays compared to a couple years ago. (That doesn't mean he'll be campaigning this fall.) But he will be "flooding the airwaves" around election time to promote his memoir, which has Republicans fretting.

The Times snagged a copy of Laura Bush's memoir Spoken from the Heart a week before its release, and they've got the goods: Possible presidential poisoning! Peeved political potshots! And details on her fatal, "mysterious" high-school car accident.

How dumb and lazy is George W. Bush? So dumb and lazy that he can't even write a real memoir! Instead, he will write "an account of key decisions in his life." We have some guesses about what those are.

Scott Brown, Massachusetts Republican and former Cosmo centerfold, is working on a memoir scheduled to hit shelves in 2011. He may be stuck in Teddy Kennedy's old seat, but he'll become the male Sarah Palin, yet. [AP]