The anti-heroic menstruation of a Mexican prostitute has saved fearsome Sinaloa cartel boss Joaquin 'El Chapo' Guzman from arrest, Univision reports. Apparently a third party hired the prostitute without telling her she'd be servicing Guzman, a billionaire druglord who has been on the lam since escaping prison 11 years ago. According to Mexican daily Reforma, the prostitute was blindfolded and taken to a rented home in Los Cabos without being told who her client would be.

Today we heard from donkey semen swallower Brynne Odioso, who said knocking back a glass of viscous donkey spooge is "the sickest thing you can ever imagine."

Hey, ladies: Have you been longing for a diaper to sop up excess period blood? Not an ugly diaper, but a sleek sexy one? You're in luck: Here is a new product called Sexy Period™ panties. I am of two minds about it.

A new study of Norwegian business productivity practices has found that, well, some Norwegian bosses are nuts. Like the guy who made his female employees wear red bracelets during their periods "to justify more frequent trips" to the bathroom.

"The loss of my school-related stuff was huge, but a lot of my personal life was also archived on that laptop. I had all my photos, calendars and contact lists on that computer as well as a bunch of more quirky and obsessive things that helped me feel like I had a life and an existence (a record of every menstrual cycle for the last seven years, every love letter I'd ever written, an outline for a cheesy romance novel, an ongoing list of essay ideas I could use when I was finally done with graduate school hell and could pursue my passion, writing humor).
—"Since You Asked", Salon.com

God, I'm glad I'm moving to Boerum Hill.

Just because an article has been in various ladymags for years doesn't mean it can't be on the front page of the Times! There is a newsy hook to today's period piece: The FDA is expected to finally approve Lybrel, a birth control pill that's designed to eliminate menstruation for as long as a woman takes it. Of course, many women who take oral contraceptives already skip the 7 sugar pills at the end of their cycles, thereby canceling their ladyflows, and four-period-a-year Seasonale has been on the market since 2003. But according to the Times, doctors who say that there hasn't been enough long-term research on the effects of nonmenstruation on the body aren't enthusiastic about these developments, and neither are "groups that celebrate the period as a spiritual or natural process, like the California-based Red Web Foundation." Oh, and don't forget Anne Frank! "In her diary kept while in hiding from the Nazis, Anne Frank mused about menstruation. 'I have the feeling that in spite of all the pain, unpleasantness and nastiness I have a sweet secret,' she wrote." What, no one could find her copy of Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret?

Don't say we didn't warn you:

Tomorrow's the full moon, and, well, you know what that means. Wait, you don't? Well, time for a little woo-woo ladyscience lesson! Can you think of something besides the moon that waxes and wanes on a monthly basis? That's right: uterine linings. If you'd like to "become reacquainted with Mother Moon," you can look at the info on this probably specious but who cares web site. But if you'd like to just take our word and roll with it, here's what we consider to be evidence that this week, everyone had MAD PMS.