Guess what? Adults being silly on TV! Meredith Viera was invited onto the fourth hour of Today, becoming quickly indoctrinated to the everything-goes culture by acting inebriated on alcoholic whipped cream before even trying some.

Meredith Vieira tried her damnedest to understand the Jersey Shore this morning. She can't. The problem is that she tried to in the first place, and about a month behind schedule. When will the olds learn?

Dr. Drew Pinsky was on Today today to discuss the destructive behaviors of recently deceased Casey Johnson. He then berates us, the viewers, for eating up tabloid fodder with a spoon. What happens next is so disgusting it's almost laughable.

We're all entitled to give ourselves a pat on the pack once in a while. Today brought self-congratulatory to a whole new level this morning in a twelve-minute-long video of their favorite moments of the year. Cue the insanity!

"When is the right age to get married?" was the question on Today this morning. "I dunno... when did you get married?" Vieira obliviously asks Matt Lauer, who's been divorced once, and whose second wife split from him while she was pregnant (and filed for divorce in 2006) before they eventually got back together. Awkward! Hilarity ensues.

I really like Meredith. She's leaps and bounds more genuine than Katie Couric. But even she has been shoehorned by her bosses into the "We Need a Blog" syndrome. She is a classy gal, and it's a shame some NBC producer drove her to such depths that she's writing openly about her dog's defecation habits (albeit in a heartfelt way Americans can relate to). She writes:

According to various reports—more on that later—one network or another has agreed to pay or to not pay a large or even more large amount of money to Paris Hilton for an interview. The network will not be ABC—although they figured the "credibility" and close connection Barbara Walters has with the Hilton family (oh, plus an offer of $100,000) would snag them the first post-jail interview with Paris Hilton. Some reports say Walters was out-credibilitied by Meredith Viera and at least $650,000. Others say NBC's offer is $1 million. NBC says they don't pay for interviews, and fast-talking Paris publicist Mike Sitrick says the same, which means the opposite is true.

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Martha Stewart was on 'Today' this morning, but it wasn't just another of her frequent synergytastic drop-ins. No, she was there to promote her book, which we believe is entitled How To Be An Even Better Housewife. One of Martha's hot tips is about how to remove red wine stains; apparently it's not a very good one, judging from her expression when Meredith Viera accidentally sloshed where she wasn't supposed to slosh. Watch and judge for yourself whether Meredith is just uncoordinated, or maybe doing the old Couric Irish-coffee routine.

Hey, we know how hard it can be to get good Photoshop help, but please — this interior shot of Traditional Home features former View host Meredith Vieira and her beloved but poorly cropped-in dog, "Jasper." The Slug blog claims to have confirmed the dog's physical existence somewhere, somehow. Don't you worry none, Ms. Vieira. Jasper just went to live on farm, and he's very happy there.

• Yesterday's American Media bloodletting will cut the mag publisher's workforce by 9 percent. [WWD]
• And will save the company about $10 million. [NYP]
• With Katie Couric heading to CBS, NBC is days away from a deal to bring Meredith Vieira to fill her clickety stiletto heels. [NYT]
• Gabe Sherman agrees: Times Discovery Channel might be on its way out. Plus Hearst in the new tower, Lapham at Michael's, and Raines at Harvard. [NYO]
• The New York Times has finally done something to make Jack Shafer happy. So now he'll cancel his subscription. [Slate]
• The Week names Nick Kristof Columnist of the Year. We imagine Andrea Peyser is devastated. [E&P]