Shockingly, despite yesterday's dramatic proclamation by former Disney Head Mouse in Charge Michael Eisner that the writers strike is over, the WGA has yet to order the mass disposal of its picket signs and send everyone back to work, stubbornly insisting on taking some time to review the actual language in the proposed deal and present it to its members tomorrow night at its planned general meeting. (But if you're looking for a positive sign that everyone's Cautious Optimism could soon be rewarded, Saturday's latest Scribeapalooza will feature a performance by Hannah Montana instead of the slightly more militant Rage Against the Machine.) So when maybe/possibly/if the numbers look right could the strike potentially be called off? United Hollywood, the Guild's unofficial voice of the past three months, offers some (theoretical) timelines:

On CNBC today, he declared an end to the writers' strike. Not so, say our Hollywood sources. The strike will be over soon, they predict, but it's not done yet. Leave aside that question: Should we in the tech industry ever have cared about the strike in the first place?

After the success of former PayPal COO David Sacks's Thank You for Smoking, Hollywood has renewed its efforts to tap the swollen bank accounts of Silicon Valley's newly wealthy entrepreneurs. But the come-on I've just received is more unusual than most such attempts. The movie in question? A film adaptation of James B. Stewart's DisneyWar, a savage portrait of former Disney CEO Michael Eisner. Eisner drew many enemies in the Valley during his reign at the media company, so there might plausibly be some willing to fund a cinematic poke at him.

According to a new book titled The Pixar Touch: The Making of a Company, excerpted today in the New York Post, Apple CEO and Pixar founder Steve Jobs didn't want his studio to make Toy Story 3. His reluctance stemmed from a distrust of Pixar partner Disney and its CEO Michael Eisner. In the book, Jobs says he felt "sick about Disney doing sequels [to Pixar films] because if you look at the quality of their sequels, like The Lion King 1 1/2 and their Peter Pan sequels and stuff, it's pretty embarrassing."

Hollywood, abetted by Internet pundits, has drawn the wrong lesson from the rise of YouTube: that the only way to make cash on the Internet is to offer bite-sized chunks of content. Hence Quarterlife, the microshow about 20-nothing artists. The only reason anyone cares about it is NBC picked it up for broadcast distribution, impressed by Quarterlife's 700,000-viewer debut, and will splice together 8-minute Web segments into six hour-long episodes that will air on broadcast TV this February. The only problem is that Quarterlife episodes, shown on YouTube and MySpace, are now averaging a mere 100,000 viewers.

Perhaps inspired by our tale of the lonely wantrepreneur looking to pay someone, anyone to set him up on a date, a tipster forwarded a New York Observer article from way back in 2000. It's called "They're Single, Ambitious, Worth Millions, But Can New York Women Download Their Megabyte Egos?" It's primary subject? Jason McCabe Calacanis. See? There was a reason to get out of bed today.

Former Disney CEO Michael Eisner maintains Hollywood writers are stupid for striking over how much they should be compensated for Internet video. Over the weekend, he told the New York Times there isn't any money in Internet video. At least not any money in Internet video he has a hand in. "The shows that I made for [the Internet] cost like $3,000 for 90 seconds," Eisner explained, referring to his failed made-for-Internet efforts "Prom Queen" and "Prom Queen: Summer Heat." Of course, Eisner, whose exit from Disney was hastened by irate shareholders, is no stranger to failure.

One person unlikely to be showing up with snacks for picketing WGA members is former head-mouse-in-charge Michael Eisner, who finds the strike to be "insanity" and thinks the writers' energy would be better spent marching on Steve Jobs' headquarters, pelting passing cars with the iPod Touches being used to oppress them: "But you're investing in the Internet, so what gives? I'm doing it because I think it's fun, and because I think it's the future. But what I'm saying is that for today's writers to stop working for non-existent money is stupid. They are misguided. They should not have gone on strike. This is a stupid strike. The studios can't give them anything because there's nothing to give. But this is also the studios' fault — they've been talking about how great this business is, and now they have to open their books and explain that there's no business. The only one making money is Apple. They should be striking up in Cupertino, or wherever [Jobs] is." [Alleyinsider.com]

"[Movie and television studios] make deals with Steve Jobs, who takes them to the cleaners. They make all these kinds of things, and who's making money? Apple! They should get a piece of Apple. If I was a union, I'd be striking up wherever he is." — Former Disney CEO Michael Eisner on the entertainment business and the Writer's Guild strike, and Apple CEO Steve Jobs, who played a big role in Eisner's ouster. By the way, Mikey? Apple's in Cupertino. Take 101 north, and then it's just a few exits off 280. If you'd spent more time there, maybe you'd still have a job. [CNET]

Michael Eisner, the former Disney CEO, is turning into a Web 2.0 demigod, claims BusinessWeek. Except it fails to prove any kind of new-media apotheosis whatsoever. Beyond a few cursory details about Eisner's portfolio of invesments — kid-friendly, just like Disney! — the majority of the piece details his interest in a potential acquisition of Topps, the trading-cards company. Somehow, in the perfervid imaginations of BusinessWeek editors, the right to print Star Wars and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trading cards and stickers transforms into "fodder for online shows." But never mind that.

LATimes.com uses the occasion of former Warner Bros. head Terry Semel's recent ouster from Yahoo! to assemble a handy, clip-n-save-quality scorecard helping you stay current on how your favorite former studio bigwigs are keeping themselves busy. While the group's fortunes range from Peters' tragically undercelebrated enshrinement on the Walk of Fame to Katzenberg's ogre-enabled DreamWorks Animation moguldom, arguably none of them has enjoyed as fulfilling a second act as erstwhile Disney Grand Mouseketeer Michael Eisner, who is happily sharing his twin passions for low-rated basic cable talk shows and 70s-kitsch trading cards with his old friends.

We'd completely forgotten that our favorite former Disney CEO had a cute little chat show over on CNBC (we'll have to do some research and figure out if we get that channel), until a helpful tipster forwarded us this clip from an upcoming episode of Conversations with Michael Eisner, reminding us of all the fun we've been missing out on by excluding it from our TiVo season pass list. We have no idea about what other delights are in store for us if we tune in on Monday night, but we imagine nothing that happens can top burgeoning trading card mogul Eisner and old buddy John sharing a laugh—and a stick of decades-old gum—over the actor's Barbarino rookie card. Don't eat it, Michael! It tastes like the 70s!

· A frustrated, posturing Viacom finally breaks down after months of "unproductive negotiation" about licensing fees for the interweb rebroadcast of its cherished content, suing Google and its infernal YouTubes for "massive intentional copyright infringement" for over a billion dollars in damages, a suit that could be quickly dropped should GooTube come back to the conglomerate with a number representing a fair value for allowing its users to share their favorite clips of crudely animated, foul-mouthed schoolchildren talking to an anthropomorphized piece of human excrement. [Variety]
· Meanwhile, Bravo buys Television Without Pity, proving that media companies and the internet can sometimes figure out a way to coexist. [Variety]
· Questions about the fates of various established shows on the pick-up bubble: Will NBC try to get Law & Order back on the cheap? Will ABC ever get rid of According to George and The Jim Belushi Show? Will ABC swoop in and steal away Scrubs from NBC? We are all atwitter over the intrigue. [THR]
· Studio 60 TimeslotWatch: Paul Haggis' The Black Donnellys continues to flounder in Aaron Sorkin's rightful 10 pm home, getting trounced by a repeat of CSI: Miami. [THR]
· While no one actually wants to buy it, a three-year old script about Michael Eisner and Mike Ovitz's fun-filled time together at Disney is delighting bored studio executives all over town. [Variety]

· ABC yanks once-hyped Knights of Properity from its schedule with four episodes yet to air, then compounds the indignity by replacing the series with reruns of According to Jim and George Lopez, which stings even more than a looming cancellation. [Variety]
· The post-Oscar The Departed love-in shows no signs of abating, with Martin Scorcese and Mark Wahlberg teaming up to produce an HBO series about the development of Atlantic City. [THR]
· ABC Television Studio signs Borat/Curb/Seinfeld/Entourage producer Larry Charles to a two-and-a-half-year deal to write and direct various TV projects, which we assume will not include an assignment to oversee their hybrid Geico Cavemen sitcomfomercial. [Variety]
· The MPAA's Dan Glickman says that 2006's 5.5% increase in movie ticket sales was a "reminder" that worldwide audiences "enjoy going to the movies," while a Slump-tainted '05 was "a clear message that we were putting out some pretty terrible shit." [THR]
· Bored former Disney CEO Michael Eisner tries to occupy his idle time by collecting baseball card companies. [Variety]

• Broad and Burkle talk to Tribune directors, who may not sell the company after all. Great, that's six months of our lives wasted. [LAT]
  

• So it really looks like De Niro and pals will buy the Observer. And Kurt Andersen — like Peter Kaplan — is just thrilled about it. [NYM]
• Michael Eisner pisses off Pat Robertson by having the rightwing preacher on his CNBC show, challenges him on gay rights, whether Jews can get into heaven, and whether it was in fact a good idea to have advocated the assassination of Hugo Chavez. For the first time perhaps ever, we're kind of liking Eisner right now. [NYP]
• NBC honcho Jeff Zucker says he's not worried about Today without Katie, or about Brian Williams competing with her. He also says he's thrilled with NBC's primetime performance, positive the stock market is going up up up, and confident that the Iraq insurgency is in its last throes. [USAT]

• Brandon Davis checks into Malibu's Passages rehab center, not to be confused with Malibu's Promises rehab center. For $75,000 a month, they'll help Davis treat his addiction to firecrotches and Paris Hilton's coke spoon. [InTouch]
• Unfortunately for Page Six, their top story is that Davis had refused to go. Those damn newspaper deadlines. [Page Six]
• For the first time, Tom Cruise has had a project taken away from him and given to a less crazy movie star by the name of George Clooney. We're still conflicted about Clooney, but he's better than Cap'n Crazyfuck. [Fox411]
• Vince Vaughn's mother invests $25 million into a fraudulent hedge fund. Vince Vaughn invests $25 million into keeping her away from the family bank account. [R&M]
• Kevin Federline has a job — and, unlike the hip-hop gig, this one pays actual money. He's modeling for Blue Marlin clothing, and Britney's so proud that he can sit still for the cameras like a big boy. [Page Six]
• Michael Eisner has no idea where he is, what he's done, or who he's talking to. [Lowdown]
• PETA goes after Beyonce Knowles, interrupting her overpriced omakase at Nobu to interrogate her about the use of fur in her clothing line. TMZ has the video, but it just shows Solange Knowles looking bored out of her mind. [TMZ]

From a reader:

CNBC's Battlebots.

We know what you'll be discussing around the watercooler this morning: how shitfaced you got at some bar last night in close proximity to a handful of underage starlets. Eventually, though, there will be a lull in that topic, and the guy who's been a little too quiet about the previous evening's escapades will sheepishly ask, "Hey, you catch Michael Eisner's new talk show last night?" There will be an awkward silence—a long one, the kind where you start to notice a spot in the carpet that's wearing thin, or your cubicle neighbor's razor bumps, and if you listen closely enough, you can almost hear the sound of your conversation dying. Luckily, Gawker Media jack-of-all-recaps Henry the Intern endured the maiden broadcast of Conversations with Michael Eisner on CNBC (an actual basic cable network, we're told) so that you can revive the flagging discussion with "Holy crap, Bran Ferren's paranoid futurism totally freaked my shit out!" instead of the usual, "And then he puked on my shoes once we were done making out in the bathroom line." His blow-by-blow follows after the jump: