Sick and tired of being pushed around, called a terrorist illegal alien, the anti-Christ, and Stalin-Hitler-Mao, the president has decided to go on the offensive against his loudest critics. It's time for some DC mudslinging!

Even all of your favorite bloggers have taken sweet, sweet Sulzberger severance deals and will no longer be working after 6pm today. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was skulking around looking for something to do. She had quite the week!