Today at Gawker.TV, David Letterman takes a jabs at Brett Favre and Jay Leno, Will Ferrell and Jimmy Fallon reminisce about their SNL days together, everyone hates Michaele Salahi, and Sofia Vergara won't run down Sunset Boulevard in the buff.

After sitting through Michaele Salahi going on about her spat with Whoopi Goldberg, the rest of the Real Housewives of D.C. cast put it all out there—they're sick and tired of hearing about it. Awkward video inside!

Yesterday, the cast of Real Housewives: D.C. appeared on The View, and somehow during an interview that Whoopi Goldberg wasn't even a part of, the host was accused of attacking Michaele Salahi. Both parties plead their case inside.

White House Party Crasher Michaele Salahi is accusing Whoopi Goldberg of "outrageous abuse" for bursting into Salahi's dressing room after her appearance on The View and "screaming and dropping the F-bomb." Outrageous!

That horrible Michaele Salahi woman says she plans to auction off the dress she wore to crash a White House state dinner and donate the proceeds to charity. Of course the sale coincides with her reality television debut.

Tareq and Michaela Salahi will not be ignored. America's most famous uninvited guests are writing a book with pedophile-nabbing reporter Diane Dimond. It will feature "behind-the-scenes" details from the time they caused a national disaster by social-climbing too hard. [P6]

When Michaele and Tareq Salahi crashed the White House State dinner, we all assumed this meant they would no longer be in the upcoming Real Housewives of D.C. But the producers realized the Salahis were the only thing they had.

Were Michaele and Tareq Salahi trying to crash the White House state dinner last night when their limo was stopped by the Secret Service? Are they really that ballsy? And why was there a camera crew with them?

[Michaele and Tareq Salahi testified before the House Homeland Security Committee in Washington today. They plead the fifth and refused to answer questions about crashing a White House state dinner in November. Image via Getty]

• The Casey Johnson saga continues: Yesterday, Nicky Hilton and Bijou Phillips, both of whom were pals of the late heiress, showed up at Tila Tequila's house to take possession of Casey's two dogs. A screaming fight ensued, and the police had to be called in to mediate, since Tequila claimed the two women were taking away the canines to be euthanized. There's some bizarre video of Tila acting crazy, if you're interested. [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• Peter Orzsag, the seemingly straight-laced White House budget director (and the owner of the worst toupee in Washington), has been hiding a little secret. It seems he got engaged to ABC News correspondent Bianna Golodryga a few weeks ago only after dumping his previous girlfriend, shipping heiress Claire Milonas, who happened to be pregnant with their baby at the time. [NYP]
• Speaking of embarrassing White House news, Tareq and Michaele Salahi, the fameseeking couple who crashed the state dinner back in November, will be collecting $5,000 to host a party at a Las Vegas club next week. [P6]
• The reason Howard Stern regular, Artie Lange, was hospitalized recently: He tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself nine times. Surgeons managed to save him "despite heavy bleeding." [P6]
• Jersey Shore will be coming back for a second season—or at least that's what one of the cast members is now saying. In the meantime, the crew will continue to collect appearance fees for showing up at bars and clubs. Prices range from $3,000 to $7,500 a piece, or you could pay $30,000 for the whole bunch. And just think of all the hair gel that could buy! [NYDN]
• Lady Gaga has signed a deal with Polaroid to become the brand's "creative director and inventor of specialty products." It's a touch unclear what this will entail exactly, but she may develop "imaging products" for the company and market a line of Gaga-branded cameras and accessories. [People, NYP]

As was inevitable: White House gatecrashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi will host Pure Nightclub party next Saturday. Their appearance fee: a slightly pathetic $5000.

Remember Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the couple that crashed the state dinner in November? It turns out they weren't the only uninvited guests who made it inside the White House that evening. [Politico]

Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the couple that crashed the White House state dinner last month and remain under investigation by a Congressional committee, may not get their chance to appear on Bravo's Real Housewives of Washington DC. The network is now reportedly thinking about giving them their own reality show. [NYP]

The producers of reality television want you to know they are as upset as you are about the post-apocalypse circus they've unleashed on America and they are really trying to do something about it.

• The most genetically blessed child in the world has arrived. Supermodel Gisele Bundchen and husband Tom Brady are the parents of a bouncing baby boy, although they haven't divulged his name yet. [People]
• He's been selling off his homes left and right to pay off the millions he owes in back taxes. Now Nic Cage is being sued by the mother of his 18-year-old son, Christina Fulton, who claims Cage subjected her to "mental, physical and emotional abuse," promised to pay off $250,000 in credit card debt, and reneged on a promise to give her the house she lives in. She's seeking $13 million, which is probably about $13 million more than Cage can afford. [TMZ, P6]
• Giuseppe Cipriani is back! The scandal-plagued restaurateur has been out of the country for the past year as he faces possible criminal charges. But he's working out a deal with the feds, which explains why he's back in NYC and was seen at both Harry Cipriani and Downtown Cipriani yesterday. [P6, NYDN]
• What's the latest with Tiger Woods? Glad you asked! His mother-in-law, who was rushed to the hospital after experiencing stomach pains, was released yesterday and is doing fine; a new report suggests Woods paid a porn star named Veronica Siwik-Daniels for sex "for years" when he was in Las Vegas; another outlet reports he gave one of his other mistresses, Jamie Jungers, thousands of dollars over the years and she used some of the cash to pay for liposuction; the Star reports that Elin Nordegren called Rachel Uchitel 90 minutes before Tiger's car crash, yelled "I know everything," hurled the phone at Tiger's face, and then "chased him around the house" smashing up the place; and Rachel Uchitel is finally speaking out and tells OK! that she's really upset that she's been portrayed as a "villain" up until now. [NYP, NYDN, Star, OK!]

Michaele and Tareq Salahi generated a week's worth of headlines for crashing the state dinner in Washington a couple of weeks ago. But they're hardly the only ones. According to a new report, there have been at least 90 breaches of White House security over the past three decades. [NYP]

• Tiger Woods' mistress tally is quickly approaching the double digits. Jamie Jungers, a Las Vegas model, says she had a two-year affair with Woods; then there's Cori Rist, an aspiring model, who says she started seeing Woods after meeting him at Butter. To top it all off, porn star Holly Sampson has also been mentioned as a woman Woods was involved with, although she's yet to confirm or deny the report. Meanwhile, Queen Oprah thoughtfully reached out to Tiger over the weekend and offered him the opportunity to tell his side of the story, and that may be his best chance yet of somehow saving his rep at this point. [NYDN, E! NYDN]
• Alexa Joel, the daughter of Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley, is recovering at home after what seems to have been a suicide attempt on Saturday. Joel took a bunch of homeopathic sleeping pills—possibly because she was upset over a break-up—and then called 911 herself. [NYP, NYDN, NYP]

They didn't cancel him for gay kissing, they canceled him for gay kissing without warning; Miley Cyrus copies one of Lindsay Lohan's tattoos; Rihanna cops to being a size queen. Friday's gossip is sassy-meowing all over the place.

With politicians and pundits calling for blood, it was only a matter of time before there'd be some serious fallout from last week's crashing of the White House state dinner. Now there is. Three Secret Service officers were placed on administrative leave today over the security breach. And more trouble is brewing for Tareq and Michaele Salahi. Not only could they be forced to testify before the House Homeland Security committee, the couple's super-suspicious charity is now under investigation by the state of Virginia. Good work, Bravo. [ABC, WP]

• It's been a busy 24 hours for Tiger Woods. Just after admitting he'd "let his family down" yesterday, a voicemail he apparently left for alleged mistress Jaimee Grubbs surfaced and put a nail in his adulterous coffin. Now Rachel Uchitel, one of the other women he supposedly was involved with, is coming clean about her affair and will be giving a press conference later today. [TMZ, NYP]
• Meanwhile, Tiger and wife Elin are supposedly in "intense" marriage counseling. They're also in intense discussions with their lawyers, apparently. Rumor has it they're renegotiating their pre-nup and Elin may collect a "hefty seven-figure amount" if she agrees to stay with him. [CST, Us]
• Tinsley Mortimer's family sounds more white trash than high society. Her mom, Dale Mercer, got into a shoving match recently with the woman who's been dating her ex-husband. George Mercer—Tinsley's dad—says the 29-year-old woman, Krissy Morrow, is merely his "escort" and he's never even kissed her. But Krissy says she married Mercer last month. George says the marriage didn't count since he was "drunk as [expletive]" at the time and because he's married to someone else anyway. Let's hope all this nonsense—like the report Tinsley was seen making out with Constantine Maroulis on Tuesday night—is just another PR stunt for her reality show. [P6]