Eos lip balm spokesperson Christina Aguilera celebrated her birthday with friends at Disneyland two weeks ago. At the time, she posted on Instagram that it was a fun party at the "happiest place on earth." Courtesy of a new report from TMZ, we've learned that wasn't the case for Mickey Mouse.

1. House of Cards

America! A land in which our most treasured popular cultural symbols are just candy coating for our other, far darker cultural symbols. Maybe Mickey Mouse is worth a shit, after all.

[The famous Chilean miners visited Disney's Magic Kingdom in Florida today. They even got mining hats with Mickey Mouse ears on them. There is nothing sadder than grown men in mouse ears. Image via Getty]

Six spooktacular Halloween toons: three from Disney, and three from Warner Brothers. They range from the years 1937 to 1995. Which do you think are most enduring?

Did you catch those classic Disney cartoons we posted on Saturday? As a kid, I wondered why Warner Bros. cartoons were so funny, yet Disney cartoons seemed so lame. This clip explores the fundamental difference between the two long-warring factions.

This November, Epic Mickey for the Wii will hit shelves. This offering from Deus Ex developer Warren Spector is rich with vintage Disney history, specifically the forgotten works. Rediscover some of the most fascinating pieces from the Disney vault.

["For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Yes, that is Mickey Mouse, crucified in a Shanghai Beijing mall. Pic via Shangahiist.]

Count the horrifying images forever etched into your memory. Mickey quite literally spanking a wiener. Minnie as exotic dancer. Mickey suffering disturbing facial mutilation. Guess there has to be a first for everything.

Disney's beloved panda-rodent mascot is getting a video game makeover, and it'll give you more nightmares than the time he emptied all those buckets for that jerkface sorcerer. Because this time the nightmares might be, um, sexy?

["Crazy Legs" Conti poses with cannolis after winning the eighth annual Little Italy Cannoli Eating Competition on September 10, 2009 in New York City. Image via Getty.]

Jesus Christ, while you weren't paying attention Disney has been busy insinuating itself into every niche of your consumer lifestyle. Do you consider yourself a fashionable person with fancy urban tastes who would never be caught dead wearing the winking Goofy sweatshirts and Tinkerbell baby-tees that are so popular in America at large? Better check your labels. Disney is determined to be included in your style, at all costs! The Death Star-like company is branching out, launching "exclusive" fashion lines that are only sold at upscale stores, home furnishings, and other products designed not for those people who love Mickey Mouse. Repeat: you may own a Disney product that does not have Mickey Mouse on it.

Mere hours after officially declining to buy into the Borat franchise, Abu Dhabi's new billion-dollar film enterprise may soon rebuff yet another burgeoning cultural nemesis: Mickey Mouse. The magazine Israel Today reports this week that a Muslim cleric has issued a fatwa urging the murder of the Disney mascot, "whom he characterized as an agent of Satan sent to corrupt young minds." It's not just that his kids keep asking to watch Fantasia during Ramadan, either, but something far more fundamentally unsound:

The LAT has a fascinating story today about Gregory S. Brown, a 51-year-old former Disney researcher who's lived in the same one-bedroom apartment in Hollywood for the last 20 years. Brown had once tried and failed to take over Harvey Comics. In doing his research, he discovered an old Ghostbusters lawsuit in which an overlooked copyright claim had allowed Fatso, Casper's sidekick and a dead-ringer for the movie's logo, to lapse into the public domain. Armed with his new knowledge of such loopholes, he returned to the Disney vaults to find similar cases. A failure to renew the copyright on the 1933 Mickey Mouse cartoon The Mad Doctor led to a business selling knockoff cels from that film. Disney sued him, and won a $500,000 settlement. Now something of an early-animation copyright expert, Brown went back to the stacks to research his defense; it was then that he learned something truly astonishing: Thanks to some shoddy legalese, just about anyone could move Disney's cheese.