Madonna wishes Alex Rodriguez was crying on her shoulder. Meanwhile, a Los Angeles woman is offering her support to hundreds of thousands of traumatized Miley Cyrus victims.

There's a lot of drama surrounding the Oscar race for Best Actor, but it's not about whether Sean Penn will triumph over Mickey Rourke—it's which lovable trainwreck Rourke should bring as his date.

• It's still unclear what set off Chris Brown and Rihanna's fight on Sunday night (and both have been tucked away in hiding since it occurred). Could it have had something to do with Leona Lewis? Paris Hilton? Was a sexually transmitted disease involved? One person Brown might want to consider explaining himself to is Jay-Z, who reportedly "hit the roof" when he found out about the attack and is now telling friends that Chris is a "walking dead man." [Star, OK!, Gawker, NYP]
• Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love have been secretly dating for the past three weeks. Sounds like a perfect match. [Telegraph]
• Prince Harry is in trouble for making racially-insensitive comments. [Sun]

Mickey Rourke put some Oscar-race distance between himself and Sean Penn last night, winning the British Academy Awards' Best Actor prize before ceremonially washing it down backstage with a bottle of Champagne.

As if a gift sent from on high to wipe away all memories of Mickey Rourke's Christian Audigier-on-mescaline outfit, we present now a NSFW palate-cleanser:

["Wrestler" star Mickey Rourke gets treated like it's the 80's all over again as a French fan flashes her cans at him. This is the before. NSFW after pic is inside; image via Splash]

Is it possible to be seen in an outfit so tragic, it could actually affect your Oscar chances? Mickey Rourke investigates. [TMZ]

An Annie Leibovitz Hollywood Portfolio graces VanityFair.com—a drab series of portraits depicting directors and their muses that's mostly forgettable, save for one that ickily superimposes Heath Ledger into a frame with Christopher Nolan.

Having second-guessed his nearly disastrous decision to squeeze into a spandex battlesuit (as Oscar-poisonous as a latex fatsuit) and climb into the Wrestlemania ring, Mickey Rourke is now onto stop #2 of his redemption tour:

• Bruce Wasserstein tied the knot with a "much younger Asian woman" two weekends ago, although details about the billionaire's new bride remain scarce. [P6]
• Alex Rodriguez is jealous and embarrassed that Madonna has been spending so much time with 22-year-old model Jesus Luz, since it makes him look like he got "dumped for a younger stud." [NYDN]
• The City's Jay Lyon—who was named Brent Tuhton until he changed it—has scored a record contract with Universal. [P6]
• Could Mark Badgley and James Mischka really be breaking up? Who is going to design our Oscar gown? [NYDN]

Doing publicity for Mickey Rourke is like being a firefighter: when one Wrestlemania-related conflagration is put out, suddenly a costar starts spouting flames.

• Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. has a girlfriend. Except it's not Caroline Kennedy as some have suggested. Sulzberger, who separated from his wife in March, is dating a "vivacious" lady named Helen Ward, who he met in Peru a year ago and who is separated from her husband, too. [P6]
• Jeremy Piven brought his cocktail waitress girlfriend to the SAG Awards on Sunday night, but the poor thing didn't even get to sit with him during the ceremony. [NYDN]
• Michael Lohan is asking fans of his daughter to help him free Lindsay of Samantha Ronson's "bondage." [NYDN]

When we intuited that Mickey Rourke was having second thoughts about a Wrestlemania appearance that would obliterate both Chris Jericho and his Oscar hopes, we weren't far off the mark. Rourke's publicist just told us:

It's not that we didn't expect—nay, welcome—all manner of oddness from Mickey Rourke during his comeback, whether that means smooching Bai Ling or dating his on-screen daughter. However, this ongoing Wrestlemania thing has us concerned.

Darren Aronofsky didn't introduce Mickey Rourke and Evan Rachel Wood to each other before shooting their awkward father-daughter scenes in The Wrestler. Good thing—now that they're well-acquainted, things are getting uncomfortably kissy-kissy.

• Is Jennifer Aniston planning to steal the spotlight away from Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at the Oscars by showing up to the ceremony with John Mayer and with a ring on her finger? Maybe! [Star]
• Alex Rodriguez either spent last weekend hanging out with Madonna at Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld's East Hampton mansion, or he spent it partying with Bill Clinton and Spike Lee in the Bahamas, depending on what you read. [P6, NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan's rep says LiLo can't be anorexic since she "ate two full meals" during a recent photo shoot. It's settled! [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom says 800 people have already joined her daughter's Tribeca gym, which hasn't even been finished yet. [NYDN]

Though Mickey Rourke has long insisted he is his struggling, over-the-hill character in The Wrestler, we didn't think he'd attempt to make a second career out of it.

[Angelina Jolie and Mickey Rourke greet each other at last night's Screen Actors' Guild awards; image via Getty]

Has our dream of a Mickey Rourke/Bai Ling Oscar coupling been deferred? Today, Rourke expressed his wishes to bring dog Loki as his awards date—though in a pinch, he'd settle for a certain View cohost.

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your bulletproof guide to everything new, noteworthy and potentially misconceived at the movies. This week, werewolves attack, Brendan Fraser slums (again), and the Weinsteins dump Mickey Rourke.