Cartoonish plutocrat Stephen Schwarzman would rather not be known as a cartoonish plutocrat! You may recall how the multibillionaire CEO of Blackstone Group threw himself a $3 million star-studded birthday party (with Rod Stewart!) last year and thereby became the living symbol of the wretched excesses of Wall Street money-jugglers in this modern boom era. Well now that everybody is broke he regrets doing that stuff, okay:

Remember Sixteen Candles, the Molly Ringwald vehicle where everyone forgets a teen girl's 16th birthday? I think that just happened to Yahoo, which Jerry Yang and David Filo incorporated 13 years ago this Sunday. Happy birthday, Yahoo! Even your corporate bloggers missed it. They say the teenage years are rocky. It gets better. Just don't do anything rash, like getting married too young.

Did you know that today is the shared birthday of not only Ryan but also Bryan Adams? Celebrate by watching and worshiping Jessica Joffe's ShopVogue.tv video while wondering whether you have ever really loved a woman.

Six years ago today, Steve Jobs introduced the iPod. Have you heard of it? 110 million units later, more than a third of Apple's revenue comes from the iPod and music-related businesses and AAPL shares are up almost 2,000 percent. What would Fake Steve Jobs say? "Suck it, Dell." Get a blast from the past with the iPod intro video, after the jump.

A trade publication, desperate to fill space during a slow news week, celebrates the 25th anniversary of the emoticon — two and a half months early. :-( [Network World]

Today, as you may or may not realize, is Lindsay Lohan's 21st birthday, an occasion which, under normal circumstances, would likely have been celebrated in Las Vegas, where the actress's passage into legal-drinking womanhood would have been commemorated by the filling of the Mandalay Bay's lazy river with hundreds of thousands of gallons of top-shelf vodka provided by a loyal corporate sponsor.

Let the networkwide party begin: today's Page Six reports that allegedly 420-friendly NBC co-chairman Ben Silverman has jumped over the last mellow-harshing hurdle erected by the killjoy suits of his parent corporation, finally taking- his company drug test:

While the Olsen Twins' passage into civically recognized womanhood three years ago was a cultural event so significant that countdown clocks ticking down the seconds until their shared 18th birthday were erected in every corner of the internet and Barely Legal magazine famously sponsored a three-week party in a handful of major American cities commemorating the occasion, today's ascent to drinking age is passing with little, if any, fanfare.