As we anxiously await lesser Baldwin brother Stephen's self-imposed exile, the McCain-grieving, born again zealot remains on domestic soil, plugging his latest book—an essential addition to the religio-detective canon called The Death and Life of Gabriel Phillips: A Novel—on the Christian bookstore circuit. And who should pop up at a Tennessee signing table but Disney Channel superstar Miley Cyrus, with Underoos-flaunting man-candy Justin Gaston tucked under her arm. Why? Not even a befuddled flack could say:
We've had an early glimpse at the joys to come later this week on The Tyra Banks Show, where the host will spend Friday with birthday girl Miley Cyrus and family at yet another Miley fête hosted by Disney. Beyond the nuggets of insight into Miley's poo-scrubbing child-labor days ("I worked at this place called Sparkles Cleaning Service and I cleaned houses, I was like 11. ... I can clean toilet bowls”), however, the true revelations begin when Tyra corners Billy Ray Cyrus into a discussion of "Miley Day" — a tradition of parental indulgence during which, says Cyrus, "whatever she said she wanted to do that day we was gonna do it, no matter what it was…" We'll let Billy Ray take it from there in the accompanying video; let it suffice to say they'll never again be allowed to sit beside each other in church. [Tyra Banks Show]
Click to viewBoomp3.com Strict parental unit Billy Ray Cyrus enforced a new rule for daughter Miley Cyrus and sort of boyfriend, hunky underwear model Justin Gatson. Father Cyrus based his new rule on the infamous "five seconds" rule and Gatson now has to stand at least five feet away from his daughter when out in public in an attempt to cut down on the creepy factor. Billy Ray said, “I got the idea this morning after I dropped a grape on the kitchen floor. I naturally started the countdown in my head as I bent down to pick it up. Now, if five seconds is all that separates me from harmful bacteria and disease, then five feet or so should keep things from getting creepy and uncomfortable and people getting the wrong idea. They’re not into putting labels on things.” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
It takes a village to raise a child—and to protect a precocious, professionally-sexualized teen's virginity. Disney puppet-performer Miley Cyrus's dad, former country singer Billy Ray, was recently sort-of quoted in the Sun about giving 15-year-old Miley "the talk." Because she has an older boyfriend now! "I told her in no uncertain terms that her career would be over if something stupid were to happen and she would no longer be a role model for young girls," he said. This is no longer about Miley, America.It's the chosen narrative we have to keep going, however, whether or not it was said by ol' Dad. Because, even as we give a fictional knocked-up, smart-ass teen named Juno an Oscar, their real-life counterparts—Britney! Jamie Lynn! Bristol!—must remain cautionary tales. We must remain vigilant, America. We must guard her virginity together, as a nation. Preferably through the media, where we can hopefully make just a little bit of profit off it. Because if there's no hope for Miley's innocence... what hope is there for the rest of us?
♦ Lydia Hearst, seen here attending a party last week, doesn't think her family's publishing company should be hosting parties these days. "It's time to work through this crisis, not party through it," she says. [P6]
♦ How are Madonna and Guy Ritchie coping with their split? Madonna has supposedly enrolled in anger management classes at the Kabbalah Center, while Guy has been out with Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. [The Sun, People]
♦ Elisabeth Hasselbeck is introducing Sarah Palin at a rally in Florida this weekend. [ET]
♦ A month after vacationing together in St. Tropez, Jennifer Lopez has asked Benny Medina to come back on as her manager. [Fox411]
We suppose there's nothing particularly shocking about seeing a professional underwear model—in this case, Miley Cyrus's 20-year-old tongue-interest, Justin Gaston—in his underwear. Still, that does little to diminish the thrill of witnessing him captured in his natural habitat—sheathed in close to nothing, save the name of a prominent fashion designer stretched along his hipbones in three-inch-high letters. The outstretched middle finger may say, "Screw the Disney star-making system!" but the tenderness with which he embraces Mile—hey, wait a second! That's not Miley! Whore! More scandalizing photos after the jump!
In a sneak attack befitting the kind of malcontent who would dare despoil America's slutty sweetheart, FBI agents this week apprehended the man they say hacked into Miley Cyrus's e-mail account and posted scandalously skin-baring, kiss-blowing, shirt-gnawing private photographs. The feds brought a search warrant to the Murfreesboro, Tenn., home of Josh Holly, 19, who watched them cart away three computers and a cell phone — thus forcing the admitted hacker also known as TrainReq to find alternate means of spilling his virtually unabridged story to Wired.com. And are we ever glad he did.After all, we might never experience the geeky, naughty rush of shattering security protocols everywhere from MySpace to Gmail (and then bragging about it later). But when we've got a dumb-ass as spectacularly candid as Holly sharing his road map with us, it's like we can almost smell the SWAT team outside our own door:
She may have lost her hot fudge virginity recently to a towering ice cream sundae, but Miley Cyrus swears she has yet to round the real bases with her underwear model boyfriend, Justin Gaston. (Which reminds us of that old joke: Q. What's the difference between regular male models and underwear models? A. Ball separators!) All that isn't to say she hasn't been fully supportive of his career, however, clapping wildly as her man struts down the runway, showing off the latest advancements in 2(x)ist's proprietary JunkFlex™ technology. But according to some eyewitnesses at a recent LA Fashion Week event, Cyrus got a little carried away, exposing her tongue suggestively (see photo) and plotting a hot night of bible-passage-exchange with her beau following the show. Page Six reports:
Miley Cyrus, who was shamelessly hoodwinked and tricked and bamboozled into taking off her shirt by Vanity Fair's hypnotic lesbian Jewish mystic, Annie Leibovitz, has suddenly developed normal teenaged sexual urges just a few months later! Go figure. Cyrus, still 15 despite a fake Disney Sweet Sixteen party a couple of weesk ago, is almost definitely hooking up with a 20-year old model boyfriend named Justin Gaston. Daddy Bill-Ray has said the two kids are just friends, but after Page Six ran the latest and most detailed sighting of the couple yet this morning, from an LA Fashion Week rendezvous, it's hard to believe him. Just listen to what the little harlot is up to:
Click to viewBoomp3.com Another day, another Mileuary celebration for Disney mega star Miley Cyrus at West Hollywood sweet spot, Millions of Shakes. Mileuary is a month long celebration of all things Miley including a party at Disneyland and trips to the local ice cream parlor. Cyrus believes that she has planned one heck of a party on which to end Mileuary. Cyrus said, “I rented out the club Rage for the final event and we’re going to go off like no other. Milkshakes for everybody in West Hollywood that night. Drink it up.” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
After a couple of stellar installments spotlighting Kim Kardashian's bad driving and Ryan Gosling's puke aversions, we've been experiencing a bit of a drought on the PrivacyWatch front. And as much as we appreciate this week's contributions — from Sharon Stone's grocery adventures to Nick Nolte's post-traumatic mocha therapy — we have to say: We are thisclose to discontinuing this feature unless we get some motherfucking sightings up on this motherfucking plane. So! For what we hope isn't the last time: Hollywood PrivacyWatch is produced by Defamer readers for Defamer readers, so keep sending us your tips with "PrivacyWatch" "or "sightings" in the subject line. There's no "u" in "surveillance" for nothing. Meanwhile, in addition to Ms. Stone and Mr. Nolte, this installment includes Miley Cyrus, Elijah Wood, Jerry O' Connell, Mario Lopez, Tom Cavanagh, Hank Azaria, Milo Ventimiglia, Joel Madden, and more. Onward!Thursday, Oct. 9 · Rock N' Roll Ralphs on the late night. A sour-faced MILO VENTIMIGLIA enters looking ever the dick in a white shirt and black slacks. This guy is miniscule. I don't know if that's why he was pissed off or what. Maybe his First Communion rehearsal didn't go so well. Wednesday, Oct. 8 · This was taken today, the day after his fire, NICK NOLTE at Starbucks in malibu. Looking actually in very good spirits. he was with the guy in the tank top.
Our little Miley is growing up so fast! This weekend, the Hannah Montana threw her Sweet 16 extravaganza at Disneyland (despite the fact that she won't actually turn sixteen for several more weeks) and one of the most notable acts was a rendition of "Achy Breaky Heart" performed by both her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, and Miley's new underwear-modeling beau, Justin Gaston. Though some fathers might blanch at the idea of a smooth-crooning 20-year-old dating their 15-year-old daughter, Billy Ray tells Access Hollywood that he sees a lot of himself in the briefs-clad hunk:
Ask.com's latest revamp, unveiled by CEO Jim Safka to the New York Times, attempts to dive deeper into the Web, pulling "structured data," a fashionable buzzword, from sources like TV listings and health databases. Give Barry Diller's scrappy search engine, owned by his IAC conglomerate, this much: When at first it doesn't succeed, it tries, tries, tries again. But you can't blame the market, or users, for finding all this trying, well, trying.Safka's example — a search for the popular tween star Miley Cyrus which yields TV listings for her Hannah Montana show — looks convincing, at first glance. Neither Yahoo nor Google show TV listings in the first page of search results. But Googling "Miley Cyrus TV listings" readily pulls up a page on TVGuide.com. Ask.com's strategy relies on the notion that a small team of engineers and product managers can guess what users want, find the right databases to pull the information from, and assemble it more effectively than the dominant search engine's algorithms. It's a romantic notion of man vs. machine. But I seem to recall John Henry died at the end.
Click to viewBoomp3.com Embattled Disney tween mega star Miley Cyrus proved to the world that she has nothing up her sleeves nor any intention of pulling a practical joke on nearby civilians. Its been rumored that Hannah Montana has been tormenting the sleepy Toluca Lake community with a wave of ding dong ditches and late night Huffy bicycle races. Yet Cyrus remained steadfast in denial of being involved in any shenanigans. Cyrus said, “That wasn’t me, y’all. I’m just too busy to ding dong ditch somebody unless it was that cranky old Mr. Cruthers. He’s soooo weird. Okay, I ding dong ditched his house, but that was it.” [Photo Credit: INF Daily] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
♦ Charges will not be filed against Shia LaBeouf in connection with his car accident in LA in July. He may still lose his license, though, for failing to submit to a blood-alcohol test after the crash. [E!]
♦ Lindsay Lohan is so scared of her dad that she may take out an order of protection against him. [P6]
♦ Last week it was rumored Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli had split up. Now it's rumored they're back together. [OK!]
♦ Robert De Niro is a giant pain to work with who makes "weird midnight phone calls." Or at least that's what Harvey Weinstein and Quentin Tarantino said in a taped phone conversation from 1997 that's just now been leaked. [P6]
♦ Julia Roberts left the Waverly Inn covered up in a pashmina, which means it's time for a fresh round of rumors that she's secretly pregnant. [The Sun]
As we eagerly await this weekend's Nights in Rodanthe to see if Richard Gere and Diane Lane can continue to make old-people sex as hot as it was in Unfaithful, we got to thinking — Nicholas Sparks is a total baller. Sparks, who writes the standard romance novel fare that stocks airport bookstores, wrote Rodanthe and has successfully pandered his schlock to production companies who have turned a number of his books into best-selling films. The Notebook, arguably the biggest success of the adaptations, quickly became that movie girlfriends forced their boyfriends to watch in the hopes of emulating real-life lovebirds Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. But now comes the recent news that Sparks is no longer satisfied with hipster newcomers and wants to hit the big time, so he's selling out and writing both a novel and a screenplay adaptation for a new film which are specifically designated for queen Miley Cyrus herself. Sparks is a smart cookie and he knows women love his shit. So is he the next Nora Ephron?Here are a few reasons why we think his films are so popular: 1.) They're completely unrealistic, and we love it. Clearly, the main reason women love romance movies is that they are ridiculously far-fetched. Sure, our boyfriends would jump on to a moving ferris wheel a la Ryan Gosling to ask us out on a first date! And pale, feeble, Cross-bearers like Mandy Moore could certainly tame popular cool cats like Shane West in A Walk to Remember in real life. We know it's all bullshit, but a girl can dream. 2.) He gets the right people to play the parts. Okay, when you were in high school, you totally thought pre-ER bad-boy Shane West was a fine piece. And clearly whoever is casting these things still has the knack for it: Channing Tatum is set to star in the upcoming adaptation of Dear John, and obviously Miley is in demand. Plus, James Franco cameo as Richard Gere's son this weekend? Do us. 3.) True love can survive anything. Gosling goes off to war. And then McAdams-turned-Gena Rowlands goes totally insane at the end of The Notebook and wanders all over the hospital post-midnight. It looks like the house in Rodanthe is about to rot into a piece of driftwood. Are these obstacles too grand to stop a Sparks plotline? Never! True love prevails over all. 4.) Speaking of houses - the ones in the movies are fucking sweet. Gosling builds McAdams a house. Like, are you serious? It has a ridic balcony so she can paint fields and rainbows and swans on the lake and shit. And though we haven't seen Rodanthe yet, it has blue shutters and is so close to the water the sand stains the windows. We want to live there. 5.) And finally, even old people can get it on in a Sparks flick. We weren't totally repulsed when Rowlands and James Garner made out at the end of The Notebook, and that's saying something.
