Does James Franco wax his buttcrack? What are the best accessories for a trip to the morgue? Why is Jessica Simpson so bad at hiding her baby bump? These are the perplexing questions of Gawkerazzi, the show where we blog with our mouths.

In the tradition of many comedians before him, the 48-year-old veteran is heading into more serious territory. Careful, Steve! Also today: two big stars sign on to TV projects, the zombie genre gets another treatment, and we gauge the success of murder.

Chandler's new show premiered last night where Monica's old-new show should have been, and it blew it out of the water. Also today: lots of pilot casting news including TV roles for movie people, an interesting idea for The Office's future, and a scintillating blind item.

Beyoncé leaving Bar Pitti yesterday after having lunch with Jay-Z ... Zoe Kravitz walking around ... James Franco studying at the library ... Minnie Driver shopping with her mom in Soho and later pushing son Henry in a stroller in the Village ... Russell Crowe walking around in sweats on the Upper West Side ... Jason Bateman carrying daughter Francesca around on his shoulders ... Kathleen Turner hailing a taxi in Midtown ... Agyness Deyn walking with a friend in the East Village ... Sean Penn filming scenes for his new movie, Fair Game ... Zac Efron leaving his hotel in Midtown ... Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze walking in the rain in Brooklyn with Matilda ... and Diane Kruger shopping in Soho.

A very futuristic-looking Matthew Broderick climbing on his scooter outside his West Village townhouse ... Larry King walking on the Upper West Side ... Minnie Driver carrying a cup of coffee in the Village ... Angelina Jolie filming scenes for her new movie on Staten Island ... Jennifer Aniston covering up her face on the way out of her hotel ... Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon leaving their apartment en route to the airport ... Miley Cyrus walking on Madison Avenue with her sister ... Early Show weatherman Dave Price arriving at JFK ... Juliette Lewis walking by herself ... Joel Osteen and his wife Victoria leaving their hotel ... David Duchovny taking his daughter to the dentist ... and Naomi Watts sitting on a bench on the set of her new movie in Brooklyn.

Publicist (and new mom) Lizzie Grubman turns 38 today. Dick Cheney turns 68. Christian Bale is 35. Gene Hackman is 79. Wilmer Valderrama turns 29. Vanessa Redgrave is 72. Phil Collins is turning 58. Theater impresarios Harold Prince and Bernard Gersten are 81 and 86, respectively. NHL star Chris Simon is 37. Singer/songwriter Josh Kelley is 29. Weekend birthdays—including that of Andre Balazs—after the jump.

♦ Now that she doesn't have Guy Ritchie to boss around, Madonna is finding more time to control everyone else: She's supposedly been "begging" Gwyneth Paltrow to leave her London home so they can spend more time together in New York. She's also busy orchestrating a reunion between Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears: All three will be performing together at Madge's concert in LA tonight. [The Sun, E!]
♦ Padma Lakshmi is apparently on a "man-search" for a filthy rich boyfriend now that her flings with Ted Forstmann and Russell Simmons are over. [P6]
♦ Now that the election is over, Tina Fey says she will be officially retiring her Sarah Palin impression. [Extra]

Actress Minnie Driver recently gave birth to her son Henry last month, and in lieu of some splashy magazine cover (I mean, not that she's that big of a star to warrant that, but you know), she decided to just post a humble, makeup free, mom and baby photo on MySpace. It's a refreshingly un-self-indulgent photo that is heartening to see in this time of the splashy money-making, high gloss, celebrity baby industry. Maybe it represents a new era? Celebrities like Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan have retreated to MySpace and blogs to issue PR statements, so maybe the baby business will become less of a controlled and manipulated cottage industry as well. The owners of OK! magazine, one of the biggest baby buyers, recently stopped the crazed spending the tabloid had enjoyed indiscriminately for some years. Maybe Driver's new, simpler way will help drive the baby market down and babies will just become babies again, rather than increasingly cynical magazine tentpoles.

♦ David Duchovny has left the rehab facility where he's spent the last few weeks receiving treatment for sex addiction. He's now in NYC with wife Tea Leoni. [Us]
♦ Brangelina has left town. The family was spotted walking around New Orleans yesterday. [E!]
♦ Madonna made fun of Sarah Palin at her concert at the Meadowlands on Saturday night. [P6]
♦ Clint Eastwood might think Sarah Palin would make a good VP, although he didn't actually say it in so many words. [P6]
♦ Break out the tissues: Holly Madison says she and Hugh Hefner are no longer together. [TMZ]

• More on NBC's decision to drop Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews from covering the election on MSNBC: Olbermann got a raise out of the deal, Matthews didn't, and NBC chief Jeff Immelt may or may not have be behind the move. [P6]

The world awoke this morning to the chirping of little birds resembling Kristin Chenoweth and Neil Patrick Harris, perched at a podium in the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, announcing nominations for the 60th Emmy Awards. While most rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, we sat bolt upright as usual and sprinted to the window, our furious note-taking chronicling a few snubs, surprises and plenty of the conventional wisdom we've come to expect from the annual ritual.

• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon may have skipped the big wedding, but that doesn't mean they want to skip all the big presents. The duo has apparently registered at Bergdorf's, where they're encouraging friends to buy them fine china and expensive stemwear. [Page Six]

Thus far, Riches star Minnie Driver has given the public three wildly different answers to anyone inquiring who knocked up the card-carrying member of that annoyingly massive Celebrity-Slash-Singer subset. Among the potential baby daddies she's flung out into the media’s clutches? The Easter Bunny, musician Craig Zolezzi, and yes, God him or herself. And six months into her pregnancy, Driver has defiantly and coyly kept her lips sealed, until now. In a recent interview with the UK’s Independent, she finally released two very telling details: the guy is British, and "sort of in the same business." Our guesses lie after the jump, but we leave it to you, loyal Defamer readers, to solve the mystery:

• Katie Holmes is said by Star to be planning a "trial separation" from Tom Cruise amid her plans to come to New York, where she might act in the play All My Sons. There's a battle over Suri. [Star]

The Riches star has tried just about every way possible to get us to notice her over the years. Playing plump, banging a screenwriter-turned-star, getting skinny, doing the music thing, etc.. After sputtering out with all of the above and finding herself running low on fame-enhancing options, she decided that having a baby is a lot easier than becoming a Scientologist or developing (and then kicking) a nasty drug habit. Good luck, Minnie, everyone is rooting for you!

• Amy Winehouse's dad is trying to steal credit for some of his daughter's problems, but not the drug thing. Just the other ones. He was cheating on Winehouse's mom basically since the singer was born, then moved in with his mistress when she was 10, then married the mistress. Now Amy Winehouse makes songs like "What It Is About Men." [Us]

In our last dispatch from the Day Three picket lines for today, a reader reports on some high-profile drop-ins and some possible scab-related intrigue at Culver Studios: "I'm a SAG actor (a nobody) walking the WGA picket lines at Culver Studios today. Minnie Driver shows up with her dog Bubba to hang out with her writing staff. Eddie Izzard shows up and starts handing out blue wristbands that say 'All for One and One for All' that loop into a Gordian knot. He ordered these up himself and said 'they're not official.' Minnie takes off after a couple of hours and then Eddie goes "Norma Rae" on everyone. Lost in the shuffle was Josh Duhamel who didn't showboat at all. The buzz on the line is that the Las Vegas writers had spotted a former writer who was no longer on staff coming onto the lot. As I left, they had not stormed the lot yet."