When I think “unfortunate mistake,” I think about getting handed the wrong change at the grocery store. I don’t think about having my nice day spoiled by an ever-loving supersonic missile!
Following a joint South Korea-U.S. stealth bomber practice mission, North Korea announced that it's pointing its rockets at the U.S. and putting them on standby, and a state news photo seems to show its main targets: Hawaii, Washington, D.C., Los Angeles, and, uh... Austin. (Just a few weeks too late, Un!) NKNews.org points out that this photo, released in state media organ Rodong Sinmun, features a large map conspicuously labelled, "U.S. Mainland Strike Plan"; a close examination of the map shows vectors pointed toward Hawaii, D.C., L.A.... and, as far as anyone can tell, Austin.
Where does Michele Bachmann stand on normalizing trade relations with Cuba? Well. It's not particularly high on her priority list, let's say! Not merely because they're dirty commies. But also, apparently, because Cuba is working with Hezbollah to potentially set up missile sites on the island. Perhaps you might even call it a... Cuban Missile Crisis? Or is this something of an exaggeration?
According to the Wall Street Journal, a U.S. drone strike narrowly missed the American-born radical cleric, Anwar al-Awlaki, who inspired the underwear bomber and the Times Square Bomber. Known for his inflammatory YouTube videos, he's sort of like the Islamist Rebecca Black. Too bad the drone missed; our lamp post-climbing muscles were really warmed up after last weekend.
Last night at dusk, a mystery missile was launched near Los Angeles, as reported by LA's KCBS. Neither the navy nor the military have claimed the missile yet, so far its origin remains unknown. Their report inside.
Iran has tested missiles! Not just one or two or even three missiles, but four missiles! Our crack intelligence agencies know this, because the Iranian military's propaganda arm helpfully provided the media with a photo showing-count 'em-four whole missiles blasting off into the sky. You'll regret the decision to build only three missile shelters, Israel! The scary, quadri-missiled photo of terror was splashed across front pages nationwide. Too bad it's a big phony!
The American Jewish Committee wanted to run a pro-Israel ad on classical radio station WQXR in New York. The ad's opening line is "Imagine you had 15 seconds to find shelter from an incoming missile." The station decided not to run the ad, despite the fact that it has plenty of Jewish listeners. The reason, according to the station's GM? "First, the opening line . . . does not make clear that the potential target of the missile is not our listening area, and as a consequence, runs the risk of raising anxiety in a misleading way." Good to see the radio industry has learned its lesson after that whole "War of the Worlds" fiasco in 1938! This is also why old people should not be allowed to listen to the radio. [NYP]
