Vice presidential expert Dick Cheney has offered his perspective on selecting a running mate to Mitt Romney and Beth Myers, who is heading Romney's search. While Cheney wouldn't divulge what he told the Republican candidate, he did offer one clear message: don't pick another Sarah Palin.

Before you go around criticizing Ann Romney for her eliteness, remember that you, too, could probably buy a horse, pay for its upkeep, and pursue a career in dressage.

Americans have gone to England and been pancaked by London black cabs because they looked the wrong way before crossing the street. Americans have unluckily picked seven-day stretches of rain for their week's vacation in the sceptered isle. But Mitt Romney might be having the worst English vacation since Harald Hardråde's, and his is only two days old.

On the eve of Mitt Romney's arrival in London, one of his advisers made a remark that The Telegraph says "may prompt accusations of racial insensitivity."

William Tapley is a lot of things: "Third Eagle of the Apocalypse," "Co Prophet of the End Times," and talented songwriter.

Appearing on CNN's State of the Union to discuss the mass shooting in Aurora, Colorado governor John Hickenlooper said that "act[s] of evil" are not necessarily preventable with stricter gun control laws.

The last week must have thrilled anybody playing Romney VP bingo. Rumors suggested Romney would pick Condoleezza Rice. Rice has never run for—nor expressed interest in—elected office, probably couldn't siphon "the black vote" away from Carlton on Fresh Prince, and her candidacy's soundtrack would be Block Rockin' Briefs '01: Bin Laden Determined to Attack U.S. This week the VP rumor was about Tim Pawlenty, who is boring.

John McCain didn't mean to throw shade at Mitt Romney in his interview with Politico today: his point was that he saw Romney's mysterious tax returns when he vetted him for VP back in 2008. But what most people seem to be taking away from the interview is his explanation of why he chose Sarah Palin over Romney — "Because we thought that Sarah Palin was the better candidate."

Here's Romney surrogate John Sununu on Fox News telling Megyn Kelly someone that President Obama "has no idea how the American system functions" because "he spent his early years in Hawaii smoking something [and] spent the next set of years in Indonesia."

Hapless troll Mitt Romney's attempt to retaliate against Obama's anti-Romney "Firms" commercial, which absolutely destroyed Romney, was thwarted earlier today when BMG blocked the video because it used parts of Obama singing Al Green's "Let Stay Together."

In response to a recent pledge by major Romney backer Sheldon Adelson to give the GOP presidential candidate as much as $100 million for his fight against the incumbent, comedienne Sarah Silverman has made a rather blunt counter-proposal: If the casino magnate promises to donate to Obama instead, she will don a bikini bottom and scissor him "to fruition" (i.e., until he cums).

Mitt Romney's getting stomped in the news cycle, about outsourcing, wealth and Bain Capital. While it's no surprise that he's accidentally one of the people raining down the fiercest blows, it's stunning to see that the other people are Republicans and Democrats. Honest, real Democrats. Not New Black Panthers controlled by UN mind beams from Obama's home in that black cube in Mecca.

"Retroactively" is a word that might haunt Mitt Romney for some time.

In an interview for CBS This Morning, Charlie Rose asked President Obama what the biggest mistake of his presidency has been. It's a tough question for any president to answer — especially when he's campaigning for reelection — but Obama's answer was fairly straightforward.

Mitt Romney should pick a trollface mask for vice president. It'll turn Reddit into a bad-art Möbius strip, and it'll give his campaign an identity it's lacked. Yesterday, he spoke to the NAACP national convention, stood firm on an issue, elicited boos and, hours later, embraced the boos in another speech. If the campaign were a message board, he might as well have closed with a Cam'ron-inspired "u mad?"

In unsurprising news, totally normal and relatable person Mitt Romney was booed by the NAACP today after the Republican presidential nominee promised to eliminate Obamacare (née Romneycare) if elected president. The jeering crowd disrupted Romney for a good fifteen seconds or so before the smirking hair joke weirdo regained control and attempted to smooth things over with a predictably boring story about the Chamber of Commerce.

Anxious to harness the inchoate class rage of impotent computer-bound office-workers trapped in the endless parenthesis of alienation and soul-rot that characterizes die jüngste Entwicklung des Kapitalismus, the Times of Los Angeles and New York both rushed to Mitt Romney's East Hampton fundraiser this weekend in a quest to record the most horrible set of actual rich-people opinions that could possibly be expressed. But who won the battle of worst quote?

Mitt Romney is getting hosed. Admittedly not in an existentially threatening way, like watching his job get sent to Bangalore while a good health plan evaporates in front of him. But he's still getting hosed—in conservative media, of all places.

Independence Day is upon us, which means it's time to watch politicians stumble through the USA PHOTO OP. Mitt Romney will sing unknown verses of "America the Beautiful" with an Ashcroftian solemnity, while Barack Obama—as befits the office—will force two turkeys to have sex so they can sire the ceremonial turkey he will pardon on Thanksgiving. Unless that turkey is Alaskan, in which case it will be shredded for Patriotacos.

Remember when Hillary Clinton said, "Shame on you, Barack Obama"? Mitt Romney does. And he's making that the focal point of his "Shame On You" ad, which alleges that Obama spreads misinformation about Romney the same way he did about Hillary Clinton during the 2008 primaries.