Let's all read this one together, in unison: "We don't mean to brag, but we've been Occupying Wall Street for 227 years."- BNY Mellon, in ad that a WSJ reporter photographed at last Friday's Financial Follies, the super hilarious funny night of things that people who work in and cover finance think are hilarious. "Headquartered in New York, BNY Mellon has $25.9 trillion in assets under custody or administration and $1.2 trillion under management"

Meet Stephanie Dolgoff! She wrote a book, about something, involving some kind of irritating made-up cultural category, and she was on the front page of Sunday's New York Times Style section, and I don't have the energy for this again.

Have you heard about this kid, James O'Keefe? Grandiosely playing journalist and getting arrested in the classic Watergate fashion—why, his hilariously mis-channeled post-college angst is enough to make you write a How-To list mocking his whole godforsaken age demographic!