Chances are if you wanted to read contemporary classic Fifty Shades of Grey, you would have read it already.

Well then you'll just have to fire up your worm-hole generator and take a trip to one of the parallel universes wherein that sort of thing takes place.

Following in the lucrative footsteps of Fifty Shades of Grey, the author of a pair of popular Twilight fan fiction ebooks has signed a "substantial seven-figure deal" with Penguin's Berkley imprint.

We have written about 50 Shades of Grey. Our sister site, Jezebel, has written about 50 Shades of Grey. The Atlantic has written about 50 Shades of Grey. The New York Times has written about 50 Shades of Grey. Everyone has written about 50 Shades of Grey, ad nauseum.