At the bottom of a crowded subway stairwell one recent night, I got lodged behind a mother and her toddler-age son. She was bending down to level with him, his tiny primary-colored backpack slung over her left shoulder and a vinyl grocery tote in her right fist. The two were going over that night’s dinner plans.
Identical twins are rare, but monoamniotic identical twins, who share the same amniotic sac and placenta, are even more so—they make up just 1% of all twin pregnancies. That's why everyone is so excited that a lucky Ohio mom gave birth Friday to a pair of "mono mono" twins who clutched each other's hands as doctors held them up.
Before they gave the precious gift of life to their ungrateful children, our moms were regular people with lives of their own. They had careers, ambitions, talents, dope, naked mud wrestling matches, and tons of casual sex with workers of all stripes. Especially plumbers, for some reason.
Sometime in April 2010, my father, Victor, a veteran who spent most of his life as an engineer, hanged himself in a garage in Blackwood, New Jersey. He and my mother, Marguerite, had a thing in the late 1970’s. That thing bore me.
Just in time for Mother's Day, here's a video to remind you that it doesn't matter what you get your mother, because you'll always be second fiddle to the guy who paid off his mom's mortgage.
For four years, my mother had a crippling fear of death. It started during her first bout with breast cancer. While recovering from her mastectomy, she insisted on driving my father to and from work, so that if he died in a car accident she'd be there to say good-bye. Nobody in our family was allowed to drive in bad weather, lest the vehicles hydroplane and we die. Christmas traditions were banned; anything that reminded my mother of the passing of time reminded her of death. She objected to my teen sleeping habits: "Just lying there all morning, like you are dead. How do I know you are not dead?" Chastised for her morbidity, my mother would snap, "You don't understand."
Today is an especially good day to take the M if you're a mother — or if you can fake it. Someone has been putting up "Reserved for mothers today" stickers all over the cars, which I think means you're legally required to stand if you've never raised a kid.
Considering that Mother's Day founder Anna Jarvis ended up rejecting her creation due to the holiday's hyper-commercialization, and spent the rest of her life campaigning against it, one might assume she would have bone to pick with anyone who took Hooters up on their special Mother's Day offer of free boneless wings for moms.
Here is a photoshoot from the set of Mom and the Real Girl Courtney Stodden's kitchen, where she and mom Krista Keller celebrated Mother's Day early. Nothing satisfies the sacred and sometimes sexy bond between mother and daughter like getting your silky hands sticky with some sinful strawberry shortcake.
I hate to be the one to tell you this — and on Mother's Day, of all days! — but your mom might be part of a syndicate of hardened thieves who steal credit cards and cash from distracted shoppers.
Just in case you forgot: Mother's Day is today! Alert, alert! You have just hours to scramble and get her something nice and thoughtful. But be careful what you get. Different gifts say different things about you.
It's the War of the Roses (Peddlers)! A flowery feud! A Google gamble, in which customers are wooed. Some of America's top Internet flower retailers are being a little sneaky in trying to become tops in Google's search results (and by proxy, your mom's heart). Who will stop them?
Most of us grew up with awesome moms that treated us well and fed us till we were fat. In case you forgot this, we compiled the worst YouTube moms so you can go home and appreciate your mom.
