Adios, "Magazine Publishers of America." Hello, "MPA—the Association of Magazine Media." The name symbolizes "how readers can engage with magazines...through nontraditional means like Web sites, mobile devices, tablets, events, social media, books, retail presences and even branded merchandise." Oh...clearly.

If you ran a magazine (maybe you do!), what would you consider a reasonable salary for the head of your little magazine industry trade group? 'Click through' and find out the real, ridiculous answer!

♦ David Letterman ripped into John McCain once again last night, which he'll probably continue to do as long as he gets this much attention for it. [NYT]
♦ Sarah Ivens is out as the editor-in-chief of the moneylosing tabloid OK! And, no, Bonnie Fuller is not taking over. [NYP]
♦ CNBC's David Faber is writing a book about the Wall Street meltdown, too. [NYO]
♦ ABC won the Thursday night ratings war thanks to the two-hour season premiere of Grey's Anatomy. [TV Decoder]
♦ Brigitte Quinn and Page Hopkins are leaving Fox News. [TV Newser]
♦ The Magazine Publishers of America will announce the winner of the cover of the year on Monday; here are the three finalists. [Jossip]

• We really ARE overdue for a George Michael assfucking scandal, aren't we? Don't worry, it's about to get much better: the former pop star was caught having a "seedy liason" in a public park with the hot piece of twat pictured at right. 58-year-old unemployed van drivers who live with their cat sure are irresistible, aren't they? [Sun UK]
• Tomorrow Russell Simmons will be named a U.N. Goodwill Ambassador, putting him on the well-worn path to becoming Angelina Jolie. Perhaps he's splitting with Kimora over whether or not to adopt an Ethiopian AIDS orphan. [FishbowlNY]
• You know what's wrong with magazine publishing? The people who are running it, specifically those at the Magazine Publisher's Association who believe a mascot named Captain Read is going to do a goddamned thing other than inspire mockery and ensure irrelevancy. [AdAge]
• Though we wouldn't put it past Simon Dumenco to hook up with Cap'n Read. [AdAge]
• Conde Nast will master these internets yet, even if it means going the route of incredibly boring trade sites. [Craigslist]
• Is somene pushing a Times-ian frenzy surrounding the raising admission fee for the Met? At the current rate, they'll churn out 60 pieces by November, which will almost be enough to satisfy Bill Keller. [Seth Mnookin]
• It doesn't matter how fantastic a "trailer" for a book may be, because it'll never half as good as the trailer for Snakes on a Plane. That's just a fact. [Guardian]
• Greg Gutfeld's still life with Arianna Huffington. [HuffPo]
• Dallas Mavericks bloggy freakshow Mark Cuban has an open job offer for anyone who can think of a new way to market movies. On the downside, you'll be working for Mark Cuban. [Blog Maverick]
• Who Wore It Best? — crotchety Sun Valley mogul edition! [WSJ]
• Why does the Regal Union Square movie theater smell like Chinatown on a simmering July afternoon? [Cinecultist]

So the MPA has a daylong conference today at the Sheraton in midtown, "Magazines 24/7: Profiting in the Digital Age." Among the materials distributed was, as there is wont to be at such events, a 10-page list of attendees. And among that list of attendees was one lonely little boy listed without any affiliation at all.

• You know those crazy "MPA people" that we were scratching our heads about? Turns out they're mass-marketed minorities, probably the first ones to come up when you search Getty for "dignified black man." Diversity is so easy with Photoshop. [NYCCFB]
• Perhaps the first correction regarding Fake Writer JT Leroy that doesn't involve correcting the assumption that the dude exists. [Regret the Error]
• America is dying, and we have our west coast brother Defamer is to blame. Funny, we keep hearing that it's our fault. [Prison Planet]
• Every publication should clarify its non-contributors. [Ignore Mag]
• This really can't be legit, but assuming it is: Any coffee called Bloggers Fuel makes us want to die. When one of its brews is called Bloggers Boot Up Blend, it makes us want to die by choking on our own vomit. [Bloggers Fuel]
• We are officially never getting anything done ever again, thanks to a compelling blog about the best books we've ever read. [Claudia's Room]
• While Gawker Stalker may threaten Debbie Gibson and George Clooney's publicist, it just makes Tony Danza feel really lonely. [OPJLH]

We received a reminder today that it's the last chance to sign up for the MPA's Town Hall on micro inequities and how to "remove the subtle, usually subconscious, messages we all send that devalue, discourage, and ultimately impair performance in the workplace."

We got a handy little press release yesterday from the Magazine Publishers of America, whose flacks were certainly hard at work on the holy Oscar Sunday. As we speak, the MPA Retail Conference 2006 is underway, and upwards of "600 members of the magazine and book retail supply chain, from publishers and retailers to suppliers, distributors and wholesalers" have descended upon Orlando, Florida, for a three-day conference ending tomorrow. It's not as exotic as Puerto Rico, but it'll do.

Last time we checked in with Forbes media columnist James Brady — the Parade celeb-swaddler, Page Six creator, and longtime Murdoch factotum — he was, rather generously, praising Bonnie Fuller's "successful" stint at AMI and spinning the time Conde Nast fired her as Bonnie's own decision to leave. This week, prompted by a Romenesko link, we were curious to see what MPA chairman Jack Kilger had done to get Brady to swallow his spiel — magazines have turned the corner! advertisers love them again! — as much as he'd bought into Bon-Bon's blather.

• New anchors ain't helping World News Tonight's ratings. [WSJ]
• Details publisher Chris Mitchell was trying to get out, but Conde kept pulling him back in. [WWD]
• Cathie Black, feminist, and Bill Buckley, conservative, get MPA lifetime-achievement awards. [Ad Age]
• Whither poor, UPN-less Channel 9? [NYT]

• James Risen wouldn't show Times editors his spying book until a week before it came out — and even then only after they signed an NDA. We can't imagine Denton even stifling a laugh if we tried the same thing. [NYO]
• MPA chief "regrets" making donation to conservative group Abramoff suggested. Just as we're sure Bob Ney regrets taking all those perks Abramoff offered. And Abramoff, we're equally sure, regrets offering them. [Ad Age]
• It's a dorky thing to be excited about, but, still, we're dorks: The Observer website finally gives each article its own URL, and our long national nightmare is over. [Jossip]
• Now only TimesSelect subscribers can email the paper's op-ed columnists. We hope, for Maureen's sake, that Aaron Sorkin's a TimesSelecter. [E&P]
• Jon Friedman misses Walter Cronkite. [MW]

First, "A Washington Tidal Wave," in today's Newsweek:

Because nothing revives a sagging industry like a heinous stunt, the Magazine Publishers of America is in the midst of a three-year campaign of wrapping certain titles in space-age covers, dated 100 years into the future. These special copies are then sent to "thousands of advertising and marketing leaders," who are then immediately convinced on the enduring relevancy of glossy listicles. Or, at the very least, they're convinced that the MPA has lost its self-marketing mind. A sampling of some of the cover lines:

• Target to be sole advertiser in Aug. 22 issue of The New Yorker. For that week, definitely, it's Targ . [NYT]
• American Media, publisher of Star and National Enquirer, won't pay sources, like rival OK! They'll only pay women with sex-harassment charges against Schwarzenegger. [LAT
• If big-city life in high school with money, then Jason Binn publishes the yearbooks, says Sexy Jon Fine, who notes that he's been in those yearbooks twice. [BusinessWeek]
• Magazine Publishers Association to distribute kits on "Magazine Speak" to help ad salesmen sell. How knowing what "dek," "TK," and "FOB" mean will help sell ads is beyond us, but, then, we're not ad salesmen. [Folio:]
• As we speak, MSNBC chief Rick Kaplan is ordering a window washer killed. [Jossip]