The FBI knows what LMAO means. According to an internal manual released today under the Freedom of Information Act to the open-records website MuckRock, the bureau also knows what ANFAWFOS, EOTWAWKI, and IITYWTMWYBMAD stand for. So beware: The feds have cracked Twitter slang. Or think they have.

Remember this past January when America was gripped by the saga of Did-Beyoncé-Lip-Synch-at-the-Presidential-Inauguration?

The FBI has files from a phone-monitoring company whose notorious software was on iPhones, Android phones, Nokias and BlackBerries. But since the files are being used "for law enforcement purposes," the feds won't talk about their contents. So you can't know what secrets the feds have gleaned from your phone, because that's a secret.