New York Observer reporter Nate Freeman got the shit kicked out of him last week, then wrote a florid essay about it, in the Observer's signature first-person plural editorial voice:

Madeline Klima, an 81-year-old who lives in Brooklyn, was returning from her job cleaning offices when a thief picked her up and—in her words—"like, threw me." She's okay! But not feeling particularly forgiving toward the mugger.

If you live in New York, you know Central Park is - despite smog-spewing cars blazing through it, kids who shit everywhere, dogs who shit everywhere, tourists who're everywhere, and facepalm-worthy Beatles tributes at Strawberry Fields - pretty magical. But!