You can feel it in the air, rising on a zephyr like a handmade sign depicting Obama as the Joker. Operation American Spring is on, people, in the streets of Washington and Baton Rouge and—that's about it, really. But here comes the nutty conservative impeachment revolution!

Meet "the only licensed firearms dealer in America running for Congress," and by his own account, maybe the only congressional candidate "who will stand up to Obama" with a cannon if necessary, which it won't be, if only you'll vote for him.

Sarah Palin has an outdoorsy show! And as sure as a truck isn't a truck until it has a pair of plastic nuts hanging from the trailer hitch, now that outdoorsy show is a real show, because it has a real theme song, from real patriotic crooners with a history of puke-rock.

It was always the good war. Not like that weird Iraq distraction. "The right war was Osama bin Laden and Afghanistan," John Kerry said in 2004. "We cannot lose Afghanistan," Barack Obama said in 2008. Well, we lost it, America. Because we suck much more than we're willing to admit to ourselves.

Do you love Doritos®? Do you love Taco Bell®'s Doritos® Loco Taco®? Do you love Buffalo Wild Wings®? Have you ever wondered why they have like a bajillion wing flavors, but no Doritos®-related corporate tie-ins? Well, friend, do I have good news for you.