Thigh gap. Why?

California police are investigating one eight-year-old's Halloween haul after a small bag containing .1 gram of meth was found amongst her candy.

Israel's "Iron Dome" anti-rocket system is one of the most reliable defense tools on earth. It stops almost every deadly missile tossed its way. It is a miracle of modern civilization. These are claims repeated by reputable Western news sources. But what if they're bogus?

Mary Barra, the CEO of GM, spent yesterday being grilled by Congress for her company's years-long failure to fix a known safety defect in its cars. Barra's lack of answers is being blamed on the size of the organization she leads. Which is a great argument against the salaries that CEOs earn.

Scott Walker, the lazy-eyed Republican Wisconsin governor who doesn't care for unions but will always answer a big donor's call, got caught in an eensy lie today, when he insisted he'd voted for conservative hero Ronald Reagan, and forgot he was too young to vote for Reagan.

Americans love myths. We love ghost stories and the "American Dream" and "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps," and we especially love the idea of Bigfoot. This is the only reason why the same backwoods drifter can claim he found two different Bigfoot monsters and make the news for each of them.

"The American Dream" was a popular fairy tale of the latter half of the 20th century, featuring a plucky-but-average citizen triumphing over the circumstances of his birth in a golden-hued land of opportunity. Modern Americans seem almost embarrassed their forefathers ever embraced such a myth.

In the Washington Post today, Reza Aslan debunks five myths about Jesus—he wasn't born in Bethlehem, he was not an only child, etc. But what is this mythbuster not telling you? Scholars say there are at least five more myths about Jesus.

In order to better address the needs of our fitness-obsessed readers, we are introducing this semi-regular column, "I of the Tiger," to take on the vital hardcore fitness issues of our time. Today: jock-nerd unity. Dig it.

You are probably still recovering from the sight of the hell baby that found its way to a San Diego beach last week. And you should be, because that thing is a terror and no one seems to know what it is. Fortunately for us, Vice tracked down the tipster who sent in the image in order to get some answers.

That thing you are staring at and trying desperately to understand is a "Chupacabra/Montauk Monster." Or at least that is what the tipster who sent it into Vice called it. It supposedly washed up on a San Diego beach just last week. At approximately two feet in length, it has the face of some sort of tusked boar and makes a weekly appearance in my nightmares. Whether you believe that it is real or not it is up to you to decide, but I am pretty sure that is the most terrible seademon you will see today. And one more for our collection of Montauk Monsters.

How excited were you to see that story about Rick Perry calling on a mannequin during a Q&A session at South Carolina's Squat N' Gobble restaurant today? What a moron, that Rick Perry. That's precisely what you thought.

The mayor of the coastal town of Huarmey in Peru told a crowd that he was concerned their tap water contained dangerously high levels of strontium — a metal which he claimed reduces male hormones, increasing the risk of homosexuality among those who drink it.

We all know that college degrees are one big crap shoot, and some are pure wastes of time and money. Like a degree in "art," right? You're setting yourself up to be a starving artist, right? Wrong, maybe, somewhat!

The state of New Jersey instituted a "millionaire's tax" (those making over $500K had their state tax rate raised to 9% from about 6.5%) in 2004, because its multimillionaire governor at the time was a socialist who hates success. Now, a new study has documented the devastating effect that this penurious and unfair tax scheme had on the state, as all the millionaires packed up and fled for friendlier locales:

Celeb fit myths exposed! Energy Kitchens everywhere! The 94 year-old daddy diet! Republicans embrace exercise! Feeble gymgoing works! Workaday workouts! Man loses weight! And your New Year's resolution, exposed! It's your Thursday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—2010 style!

Poor Treasury secretary Tim Geithner. The lifetime government official has never worked for evil Goldman Sachs, but no one will believe him. Will he ever be able to shed this Goldman taint?

The lead story in the New York Times Magazine's wellness issue this past weekend: "Does working out really help you lose weight?" A better question: Why doesn't the New York Times want to tell you the fitness truth?

Dr. Seuss Enterprises is suing a new coal company that calls itself LoraxAG—the objection being that Dr. Seuss wrote the story "The Lorax" to encourage environmentalism, whereas LoraxAG is a fucking coal company. But the president of LoraxAG has a compelling argument of his own: "'The Lorax is the protector of the truffula trees,' he told [a trade publication]. 'We think this is the greenest use of coal.'"

Don't feel bad, dude: not even scientists can find a woman's "G spot." Because it is a myth!