The jaw-dropping allegations made by a former Rob Lowe nanny against the actor's wife, Sheryl Lowe—which, by our count, contained one n-word, one use of the word "cockring," six separate mentions of male sex parts, and a chilling reference to minors that our non-deviant minds have yet to fully absorb—has elicited an official response from the accused. It comes to us courtesy of The Insider, so you'll have to try to tune out the smacking, salivary sounds that accompany it: