A tony New England prep school that has educated the likes of Howard Dean, George H.W. Bush’s father Prescott Bush, and Tucker Carlson is now embroiled in a sex abuse scandal that has been covered up, victims say, since the 1970s. At least 40 former students of St. George’s School in Rhode Island have come forward to say they were abused at the school. The latest known case of abuse allegedly occurred in 2004.

Well, well, well. New Yorkers lucked out last night and were spared the feared three feet of snow predicted to hit the city. Forecasts put our friends to the north and east as bearing the brunt of the storm, with 18 inches already recorded in Massachusetts—and plenty of snow still headed their way. Here's what you need to know today:

Ah, fall! Leaves and trees and hiking and shit. All this nature, isn't it lovely? It's so lovely that it has all the colors: from orange to red to green, green like stacked wads of cold, hard cash.

Should Massachusetts secede from Eastern Time to get away from its soul-killing 4:11 p.m. sunsets? Yes, of course it should. As should New York.

For the second summer in a row, '80s relic David Hasselhoff has starred in a deliberately cheesy advertisement for Cumberland Farms' Farmhouse Blend iced coffee. Last summer, the kitsch-nostalgia campaign was so wildly successful that according to the Boston Globe, the 600-plus in-store cardboard cutouts and pole signs of the Hoff were all stolen, later making social-media cameos at weddings, concerts, and even in a canoe.

The minutes are ticking away, friend, and with them your chance to buy one of two New England lighthouses currently for sale and live in it, like an old retired sea captain or a pirate's ghost. What the hell are you waiting for?

For those of us shown Jaws at a too-young age, this is pretty much a worst case scenario: a thirteen foot, 1,600 pound Great White Shark washed up on a New England beach Saturday morning. Fishmerman Gary Severa discovered the wretched sea beast early Saturday on a beach near the Rhode Island – Massachusetts border.

While we were all frolicking, naked, in our kiddie pools during last week's crazy heat wave, the nation's maple farmers were shedding tears of sweet sadness: This year's tropical temperatures are devastating maple production. For the love of all things breakfast: start stockpiling maple syrup.

There is a very rural New England debate raging in the small town of Mont Vernon, N.H. (pop. 2,400), this week, as residents prepare to vote over whether or not to change the name of a local, manmade body of water named "Jew Pond."

Well well well, quaint old New England is "reaching out" to its youth with a simple message: please, don't move away as soon as you get the chance. Sorry, "New" England. The youth are not about to be suckered into spending any more time there than absolutely necessary.

Jersey Shore, the (overly) buzzed-about documentary series created by the vengeful ghost of Margaret Mead, is coming to an end tonight. (Well, a season end, at least.) So what do we do now? Explore other terrible youth cultures, of course!

Hurry up and get gay married in Connecticut right now before the voters ban it. Because today it's totally legal! Eight couples sued the state to allow the gay marriages, because Connecticut's civil union law was kinda-sorta unconstitutional, and they won! And today one of those couples, Barbara and Robin Levine-Ritterman, filled out the gay marriage paperwork that will destroy forever your traditional marriage paperwork. So hey, you lose some, you win some, right? You still got Massachusetts too! What lovely places for gay marriages! California can go to hell. New England's like Lesbian Vegas right now. [NYT]