"Let's hope the Magic Negro does a good job," is the New Year's wish of "Jen and John C," courtesy of the Fox News crawler. Hey, thanks for that. Click through for the clip:

This is a photo, taken from this panorama, of Times Square—the frozen dreamscape where revelers rang in the New Year early Thursday morning. It's pretty.

We've had it with 2008. Let the change in calendar bring a new year with all necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, and all boredom amused. We're taking tomorrow off. See you on Friday.

Sayonara New Year's Eve novelties! 2009 is your last chance to wear googly double-zero glasses for another millennium. The 2010 version (see below) just won't be the same, and the original inventors are quitting the business.

The Time Square Business Alliance invites all New Yorkers to their hellish playground tomorrow to destroy their baggage, in the both-literal-and-figurative Darjeeling Limited sense. It's "Good Riddance Day," you see, and they've got shredders and garbage trucks at the ready. Show up with old love letters, bounced rent checks, the Bill of Rights, the only documents that prove your arch-nemesis' innocence—anything you need to forget about this terrible year we've all just muddled through. Then they'll shred it and cart it off to Staten Island, the spiritual and physical home of spiritual and physical refuse. You only have an hour, though! Get there before 1 p.m. or else you'll be stuck with that marriage license for another year! Not since the Comiskey Park Disco Demolition Riot of 1979 has there been such a cosmically confused and comically wasteful response to our shared spiritual bankruptcy!

Good Riddance Day [Times Square Alliance]

A plurality of Americans, abandoning even the pretense of logical thinking, feel that while 2007 was even "worse for the world at large" than 2006, 2008 will be totally awesome, according to a new Zogby poll. Related, regarding New Year's Eve: "Just 5% said they will be celebrating alone, with 3% seeing in the New Year with their pet."