Bad news travels fast, but apparently not fast enough for the The Austin American-Statesman.

Just like dentures, Metamucil and fringed lampshades, cable news has a devout following in just one sector of society: the old one.

Crime is down in the Modern Gomorrah, but not everyone has accepted it.

What is real, and what’s a hoax these days? Better question: does any of it even matter?

“Who owns a multimillion dollar newspaper?” is not a question you hear very often. But with the shrouded sale of the largest paper in Nevada, the Las Vegas Review-Journal, to an undisclosed owner, the question is being asked over and over.

Women appear in mainstream media just one-fourth of the time—a stat that hasn’t changed at all in half a decade.

“Dog bites man.” That is, canonically, not News. But “Man crashes wedding, bites cop and police dog (police dog also bites cop)?” That’s what Santa Barbara, Calif., police say occurred on Saturday night, and it is News, my friends. News!

Says here on the front page of today’s Florida Times-Union that Jacksonville residents are in shock after two young men fired into a school bus, shooting two girls in the head and OH HEY COUPONS FOR DISCOUNT ADMISSION TO THE GUN SHOW AT THE MOROCCO SHRINE CENTER.

After years of declaring he'd never return full-time to Bloomberg LP, Michael Bloomberg announced Wednesday that he's returning full-time to Bloomberg LP.

BBC is instructing its editors and producers to stop striving for "false balance" by booking so many anti-science and climate-denying commentators. "Audiences should be able to understand from the context and clarity of the BBC's output what weight to give to critical voices," a company report stated.

Something big is brewing in NSA Revelation Land—a scoop from columnist and reporter Glenn Greenwald that was supposed to be published at midnight last night. But now Glenn Greenwald and fellow Intercept reporter Murtaza Hussein have delayed their story, pending new government information, and the internet is freaking out.

"Iraq is not our neighbor, ISIS is our neighbor," a Kurdish government official tells VICE. The Kurds have staked out their real estate and apparently come to an understanding with the Islamists to their south. The nation of Iraq is fast becoming a political fiction, in much the way it began.

Big victory for ecumenical proponents of gay marriage. Also, big reminder from the AP that phrasing makes all the difference.

"Boy Sentenced to Jail Because of Large Penis" is your headline of the day.

Tuesday morning, the crew at Denver's Fox affiliate KDVR tried to show some photos from today's helicopter crash in Seattle. Instead, they accidentally aired a picture of a flaccid penis. [NSFW, obviously]

Abby Martin works for RT, aka Russia Today, the English-language, Kremlin-managed cable news station that's been wackadoodle with its Ukraine coverage. On Monday, Martin blasted Russia's invasion as "wrong." But did she go off the reservation, or just add a layer to Putin's propaganda offensive?

A Knoxville, Tennessee news crew was covering the near-fatal stabbing of a 61-year-old woman at an apartment complex Tuesday morning when the victim's apparently disturbed daughter approached them and confessed to the crime, with the camera rolling.

Because watching people get scared is fun, and the "I like turtles" kid always deserves a revisiting.

"At a time when non-whites make up roughly 37 percent of the U.S. population, the percentage of minorities in the newsroom has fallen to 12.37 percent from its 13.73 percent high in 2006." You don't say!

New York Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. is dating again. Capital New York's Joe Pompeo reports that Sulzberger's newest girlfriend is a private equity director named Gabrielle Greene.